Diaper Opera, Dentist, Tasmanian Devil, 1812 Overture.

You know something is wrong when someone asks you: "So, do you have any fun plans for the week?" and you reply: "Well, I'm going to the dentist! Oh, but that's next week."

Yes, that did happen.

Tuesday, July 9th=WTF is My Life Part 158545.

The day began in its usual way: a little meditation, peanut butter toast, Early Gray tea, then it was off to work. I am working with severely Autistic preK kids for my summer gig.  It's pretty good times minus the changing of diapers.  I'm seriously changing like 12 diapers a day, and that's a low ball estimate. Yes, there are some very foul toots, and yes, my back hurts from picking up kid after kid.  I try to make up for what could be pure miserableness by making diaper time into an opera. I get my vibrato on and sing "how are you doooooingggg? I'm changing your diaaappppper!!! You're laughing at me because I have to change youuuuuu! This is grooosssssss but heeeeeey everybody doooooessss it" at like the top of my lungs. My co-workers later told me that they thought someone had put on the radio before realizing that I was just having an opera in the bathroom.

Somewhere after like the millionth diaper of the day, it dawns on me that I'm really friggin' tired and also quite out of it. What day is it? Where am I? What's happening? Why?!

After work it is time for me to make the trek to my graduate class. Naturally, I'm quite dazed and drive past where I am supposed to go and have to pull into a McDonald's to turn around.  A co-worker notices me in my car and stops to let me out. I wave all out of it as I marginally escape getting hit by another car. My co-worker later told me she is glad she didn't get me into an accident by letting me go. I managed to get a Honey Dew iced coffee on the way to the commuter rail station and for that I was thankful. Maybe this day was turning around.  It was when a woman approached me and asked, "Are you looking for a dentist?" that I started to feel good about life again. Why yes, I was looking for a dentist. Granted, during my guided mediation in the morning when Gabby Bernstein encourages me to state my desires aloud for the universe to hear, finding a dentist is not number one on the list. But, I really do need to go to a dentist, and unlike other doctors where I feel totally invaded and may pass out, I'm generally okay and getting my teeth cleaned. So, yes, I am actually quite excited to be approached by this woman asking me if I need a dentist. She is a dentist outreach coordinator and sets my appointment up right and there. She also gave me a flyer for an upcoming pizza party...because pizza involves chewing which is good exercise for the teeth and because cheese is an excellent source of calcium?? It all got me to thinking though, like is the universe delivering me a dentist because I was thinking about how I needed one three months ago? Wouldn't it be nice if someone approached me with a flyer and said, "Would you like a handsome and funny boyfriend who isn't afraid of commitment? Yes, we do accept your insurance!" or "Hi, you look like someone who would really love an orange kitten! Well, here is a flyer for some cats that I have. Yes, they have been fixed and have all of their shots and will look great with your new lamps!" or "Hi! I was thinking that you may need a high paying teaching job that you'll love and maybe a writing gig on the side? I can also offer you your own television show. Here's my card!" I mean, that would be sweet. Universe yo, get on this!


Anyway, so I'm feeling pretty good with my caffeinated self knowing that I will have clean teeth within two weeks. Score!  I get off at Back Bay and then proceed to get lost on the way to class even though I have previously lived in Boston for five years.  I end up walking around in a legit circle for thirty minutes, end up back at Back Bay, and give up, taking the subway the two stops to Ruggles.

I arrived in class legit tasmanian devil style. I already have to pee which is quite annoying because can I already leave the room to go to the bathroom? Probably not. Though, I am an adult (I remind myself), so I can sort of technically do anything I want? But of course, I don't and I wait a couple of hours. I am actually sort of proud that I am able to hold it in, and also, that I am somewhat coherent when speaking. I make it through class, but not before my professor informs me that the other course I am taking is an advanced graduate course. This is only my first semester in my program; I should NOT be in any advanced classes! Jeeze louise! Of course, that is kind of low on my worry-pole considering that I did not have time to eat and am currently dying of hunger! I'm not a skip meals type of chick. I wanted a burrito so bad, but had to settle for a friggin' KIND bar. Nothing kind about that when all you want is some chicken and guac rolled up in a tortilla, for the love of Pete!

So, on the train ride home, this girl from class and I are chatting about life, and that's when she asks me, "So, do you have any fun plans for the week?" and I reply: "Well, I'm going to the dentist! Oh, but that's next week." I'm pretty sure the girl is thinking, why the hell am I sitting with this tasmanian devil?! But whatever.

Also, so sidebar...I recently had a job interview for a kindergarten position which I am not quite qualified for because there are all these tests one has to take to become certified and even though I am now like ESL, elementary, and special ed certified, I am somehow not early childhood. I am also newish to the game so there are definitely people with more experience than me. So, I had this dream that the principal who interviewed me told me he really wanted to hire me but he had to go with someone born in 1812 because she was so experienced. I mean, really subconscious?! I also wonder if the year 1812 came up because it was recently the 4th of July and the "1812 Overture" is all popular and whatnot.

GMA RAGIN'!!!

A few weeks ago, I gave my Gma a choice: ice cream or a drink. Not even a second did she take to make up her mind: DRINK. We headed to a restaurant/bar in Bristol, RI. I would have figured she would want to sit outside and take in the scenic water view. No. She wanted to sit RIGHT at the bar. Naturally, she knew the bartender as well as many other guys in the joint, despite not being a regular customer. She just seems to know someone (or everyone) everywhere we go. A month back, she held up a funeral line chatting everyone up. Anyway, Gma was absolutely fascinated by the business of the joint and even dealt well with a fella named Phil who was quite intoxicated, though she did express that she hoped he would not come back. The soda gun really threw her for a loop. "What's that?! I've never seen one of those before!!" Yeah, just like you think chicken on top of a salad is a new creation. Okaaaaay. All in all though, Gma with a stinger=good time.

In Yo' Face like a Can of Mayo....errr...MACE!!!

What up summertime crew?! I have been slacking lately. This has been a direct result of me starting grad school, taking tests like a mofo, and applying mayo to my face on the regs. These kinda haps fosho take up much time! On a side bar, I literally had to Google "haps on the craps" to see just how many letter P's are involved. Just one, despite "happenings" having two. Crazy stuff. Anyway, mayo in the face, you ask?? Why yes. It softens the skin like crazy!!! Crazy I tell you!! After a week of applying, you'll wonder if your face has been replaced with a baby's behind! The only problem thus far is that the applying of such mayo is making me crave chips and a sandwich. I'm not quite ready for lunch, but I WANT LUNCH!! And I'm not even a huge mayo consumer, but the smell is creating quite a rumble-y in my tummy.

I probably should stop procrastinating and do some actual work, but fear not! I've been jotting down things I've been meaning to blog about on random receipts and in between notes, which proves that my brain is not totally empty these days (though at times it does feel like it).

Let me leave you when an Ol' Dirty Bastard classic: Brooklyn Zoo. My brother and I used to listen to this in our Toyota Camry on the way to school back in the day. Please note the lyric: in your face like a can of mace. Such rhymin'!