Idiot Awards!

I was eating breakfast with my friend the other day and we were discussing how the general public is rather idiotic...no offense, not you of course! You're brilliant! But some people, I mean, really?! Anyway, I confessed to my friend about my ongoing daydream of passing out Idiot Awards. Here's how it went down: I'd be on the train and someone would be talking really loudly and obnoxiously and I'd go into my Mary Poppins bag and whip out one of the many trophies I had purchased at a dollar store.  I would approach Annoying Person with a huge grin on my face and congratulate them for being the most annoying person on the train!! They would accept the award graciously of course, thankful that someone has noticed how annoying they are. I think this is the way to tell people how you feel about them. And I don't think you're a bad person for doing this.  In fact, I think you are making the world a better place.  You're helping people become self-aware! Plus, they can't say they never won anything before. People are always saying that: "I'm so unlucky. I never win anything." Now they have a shiny trophy to put up on their top shelf! It's all about how you tell people how you feel. Let's take into account the first time (perhaps only time?) I called someone a bitch.  I was so proud of myself, let me tell you! I have encountered many a B in my day, but usually I pay no mind.  Whatever, I say! But on this particular occasion, I was just not in the mood. I was rockin' the coat check (a dreadful time, wet coats smell similar to wet dogs) at one of the music venues and there was this girl walking around with such an air, let me tell you.  She thought she was just sooo damn cool. I am way too outgoing and tried to be friendly with her to which I was met with a B stare.  I was not feeling this. Word came in that she was awfully rude to the security guys too.  Don't be rude to my people! Obviously, we have dealt with the drunkest of the drunks and have been able to let that shiz go, but as aforementioned, I was not feeling it tonight, no sirree  So, I passed out coats and chatted with the people, all the while thinking in my head.  After some time, I went outside to where she was shmoozing with the band. "Excuse me," I said, ever so politely.  She turned her head towards me.  Calmly I said, "I just wanted you to know that I think you're a bitch. Have a good night." She just stared at me because really, how can she protest to this?! I wasn't coming at her.  I was politely telling her the truth.  Let me also say, as soon as I move back to the city, the first place I'm going is to the dollar store to get me some trophies. I'm going pass out the awards, one idiot at a time.