After storm.

This Irene lady was rather dull for me. Nothing like the exciting Hurricane Bob back in '91, now that was a good time! If anything, Irene made me gain some weight. All good. Definitely made chocolate walnut cookies (though they're closer to dough honestly) and ate lots of pizza and crackers. Jonesin' for some fresh air, I walked around a lot today. So many people close to my age were out yet the only person to speak to me was a French guy in his seventies. And he chose to speak to me in French. Of course he did. I somehow spoke back in broken French. I had to say "je ne sais pas!" (I don't know)  and "je suis desole mais j'oblies les langues" (I'm sorry but I forgot the language...or something?) a lot. I did get that he has been in the States for 5 months and is a professor of art. He has exhibits coming up and made me take down his email address but I don't really think I took it down properly because really I had no idea what he was saying. I also have no idea why he chose to talk to me. After our semi-long conversation where neither of us knew what the other was saying, I continued on my aimless wander. I heard an "excuse me". I turned around. A middle aged woman is now trying to get my attention but after one look at my face she changes her mind. "I'm fine, never mind!" Or brother. I wondered if I had something weird going on with my face or if the wind blown hair look frightened her. I continued on.


I got antsy being in my apartment again so decided to head out for another rendezvous. This time a shriveling elderly woman approaches me on the street. She points to a bench nearby with homeless people sitting on it. Or not, maybe they weren't homeless. I don't know.
Elderly lady: "Do you see those girls?" 
Me: "Yes." There are two girls hanging with some dudes. 
E.L. "What are they doing?"
Me: "I don't know."
EL: "Well, do you know them?"
Me: "No."
EL: "Do you think they should be doing that?" 
Me: "What are they doing? I don't know? I don't know them."
She looked at me, totally disgusted, and walked off.


The other day in a park some guy talked to me FOREVER about how things were different when he moved here in 1984. Then asked me if I would be his dinner partner. Dude, I was BORN in 1984. No thanks. 


Who are these people? Why are they talking to me?

Deerhunter!

I reviewed Deerhunter at Webster Hall on August 22nd. I think I may love them. For the few hours I was there, I was too busy being dazed to remember how over August I am. It's easy to do a write-up of something you LIKE too. The words just flowed right outta me. Hey!


SHAZAM! http://houselist.bowerypresents.com/2011/08/23/deerhunter-dazes-webster-hall/

My Lovely Parents Paid Me A Lovely Visit!

My parents visited the other week. I really like them...and I don't like everyone...seriously. They arrived on Monday with a big box. Inside the box: a sweater I bought in Canada years ago consisting of tons of tiny Christmas trees and two penguins holding flippers, a Snoopy kite I bought in high school and have never used, pajamas with holiday cats on them, another set of pajamas (color aqua), board games and lots of beautiful jewelry that my mom had made. They arrived mid-day. One of my mom's favorite things is to clean out closets and organize so she helped me form bags of clothes to donate. My dad took a nap. Being crafty, my mom also fixed some of my dresses which have either stretched out or don't fit me because I have gotten shorter. We trekked to Salvation Army but it had JUST closed so we gave my three bags of unwanted goods to a guy on a street who "works at a shelter". Eh, someone will use them. We then ate dinner. 


Tuesday. Tuesday began with breakfast as every day should. We hit up Jimmy's Diner in Williamsburg. I remembered why I don't go there often. The atmosphere's kitschy but cute  and they play oldies. This I like. Mini donuts=amazing. I also dig the funky food pairings. My mom and I opted for the tater tot bowl. My dad went for a hash thing. The problem is after a few bites, the stomach does not feel spectacular and you start to wonder if you really like tater tots. Still, I'll probably go back. After breakfast, we checked on the cat I was watching (me, watching a cat? shocker...) then hit up the East River Ferry. The parents and I walked around DUMBO for a bit and then boated back to the Burg for some good ol' Meatball Shop. Gotta say, the Meatball Shop in Williamsburg is more spacious and less noisy than the one in LES.  Much like my parents, I am more of a hamburger fan but everyone's gotta try these balls. Not too shabby. The drink of the day was gin and soda with crushed strawberries and mint leaves. Simply divine. I have since tried to recreate. Post-eats, we hit up the new Nitehawk theater. Very enjoyable. The theater is quite intimate with only around 30 seats per theater and was perfect for our viewing of "Midnight In Paris". This was my second time seeing this movie and I'm not super impressed by many films (or much of anything really) but I LOVE this movie. LOVE. 


Wednesday. Breakfast of course, this time at Ella on Bedford Avenue. Had a bacon scramble. It was quite delish. Good meal to prepare us for CONEY ISLAND!!! Only the best place EVER. Of course the train ride there proved to be quite ridiculous.

Captain Spaulding?

This guy starts talking to my dad. I guess it's good my parents were in town so the crazies can speak to them and leave me alone for once? Anyhoo, the guy works in the voice over biz and specializes in horror movies. For the entire ride he talked about the weirdest stuff ever. I wish I had a tape recorder. Ah. So he played a ghoul in one of the "Saw" movies and is really tight with some dude he kept referring to as Captain Spaulding. The guy told us that when his mom passed there was a huge framed photo of Captain Spaulding on her coffin along with tons of black roses. Captain Spaulding is such a dear and he helped to pay for the funeral! Going out to dinner with Captain Spaulding is always a treat. He always throws fake worms or blood in the food to freak people out. He's nuts! Out of his mind! Captain Spaulding always  uses HIS OWN BLOOD in horror movies. None of that fake blood stuff! Not for the captain! One time I had to bleed in a movie and they sliced part of my head open. It really hurt but that's what the captain wanted!!! SO MUCH STRANGE TALK. When he exhausted Captain Spaulding, dude discussed boxing and wrestling with my dad. My dad loved it. My mom referred to the train as the "first amusement ride of the day". 


Coney...Well it WAS fun but it WAS hot. We had to keep ducking in the shade to remain cool. Feeling thirsty, we stopped for a drink along the boardwalk. My mom opted for an icy, I went for the classic h20 and my dad got a Heineken. We sat and savored. Then I threw them on the Thunder Bolt. Spins round and round. My mom enjoyed the music as did I. My dad turned a pale color. A little Wonder Wheel will fix him. Um, no. Just as the car began to SWING my dad admitted he did not feel so well. Oh boy. Only one more time around. My dad sucked on mints and tried to feel better, fervently searching for a banana. THERE ARE NO BANANAS ON CONEY ISLAND. We left soon after. Color eventually returned to my dear father's face. We ate some dinner in the 'hood and went to Big D's.


Sadly, my dad had to go to a meeting in Yonkers Thursday afternoon so they left after breakfast. My mom and I barely touched our eggs. I think we were egged out at this point. Their visit was totally great and I'm sad they left. Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I was just twelve for life.

My shit is dying.

I'm having a bad month. Perhaps the sun has been beating down too hard on me but I'm pretty much over everything and ready to move somewhere. The following is not what is bothering me but  rather a list of oh figures you'd crap out.


1. Palm tree plant I've had for six years that has always been super healthy=DEAD.
2. My lovely parents visited me the other week. My mom commented on the delightful lamp she had refinished for my apartment. The other night I was having a terrible town nightmare, woke up terrified and could not sleep for hours. When I finally did sleep, I woke up to a crash. The lamp had fallen over and is now dead.
3. The ipod...Oh, the ipod. Well, for a couple of weeks now, the screen is just completely white, cannot see what I'm listening to or pick songs. Sometimes the whole ipod will just shut off leaving me stranded without tunes. I then have to go home plug it in and hope for the best. It was working at the gym the other day and I was quite thankful. Then, the sound from the right earphone went quiet. Still, I was thankful-just the headphone, not ipod.....until the ipod also completely stopped working. And then. And then the TREADMILL I WAS RUNNING ON SHUT OFF. The treadmill, really?! REALLY. 
4. Just finished writing this and went to sweep the floor. Mid-sweep, brush part of broom falls off stick. Shocker.


September better be the best month of my life or I'm throwing towels in and am going to skip out on this town. For reals.

Doodles.

Jay Z Penguin swimming with sharks. He's got his swagger back.

Killah Penguin is at the crossroads.

Likes coffee, dislikes people.

Ah. I was totally on a dating show in 2007. Here's the play by play as to what went down:

http://www.pinkhathell.com/2007/09/sox-appeal-episode-6-who-could-ask-for.html

Hard to drive with a hard on.

Of course my cab driver talked to me the entire way home. He likes Chinese and Italian food but he can't eat Italian every day. He also is a big fan of rice and beans. He loves ginger. He is delighted by KFC but saddened that the one on McGuinness closes early. He is not delighted by lesbians in his car. He has nothing against lesbians but twice, two ladies have tried to use his car as a "hotel". He had to tell them to stop. When the lesbians got mad, he was honest with them-seeing two ladies get it on will give him an erection. It's hard driving with an erection. The ladies retaliated with "show us your dick then!" He did not understand. If they are lesbians, why do they want to see my dick?! Ah. Now if he sees two girls drunk and holding hands he will turn on his off duty lights because it is just uncomfortable driving with a hard on. THIS CONVERSATION LASTED SO LONG.


Of course my landlord's 19 year-old son was once again getting home at the same time as me. This time he handled the key situation.


I had three egg rolls tonight. I do not remember the last time I have had an egg roll. They were ravishing but holy moly I'm going to have a stomach ache. Death by egg roll.

Last week.

Last week Mercury was supposed to go into retrograde (shocker!)...whatever the hell that means. I guess any of this bears truth, it means that miscommunication will be running high. With this in mind, I decided to make my horoscope or whatever come true. Time for sending rash text messages to people I will regret later. Feeling ambitious, I started texting things I would regret at the early time of 10:30 am! UGH.


Thankfully, my dear friend Diane had taken a vaca day from work to hang out with me. We met up in BK and headed to lunch. I ordered a lentil salad thinking that this may be beneficial for my sensitive stomach. Once again, what was I thinking?! Since we rarely see each other, we decided it fitting for us to have a toast. I was semi-bent post Bloody Mary #1. We ended up having four each...by 3pm. I was a mess. Naturally, at this point, we decided it would be a great idea to hit up the psychic near the train. Psychic lady asked me if her cat was bothering me. I immediately blocked out everything else she had to say. CATS NEVER BOTHER ME. Diane and I then went to Big D's to check out the sheet selection. I've always rocked the solid sheet in a cheery color (yellow!) but had the sudden urge to throw a flower or stripe into the mix. We stared at the sheets for 45 minutes. I was getting stressed. A decision could not be made. I was starting to feel sad/hungover so we parted ways. 


I laid down and tried to get myself together because I had to review a show later that night. Toast came into play. I walked the mile plus trek to Music Hall, umbrella-less in the rain. I had to review Frightened Rabbits. The only thing I really wanted to write about was how the woman behind me at this show was a bitch but I supposed that was not review appropriate. Instead, I wrote this: http://houselist.bowerypresents.com/2011/08/04/frightened-rabbit-leaves-them-wanting-more/. Not my best work, but under the circumstances, not awful.


Thursday was rather delightful. Hit up the gym and had another psychic encounter. Listen, I'm not sure if I really believe any of this stuff. Wednesday's psychic was more like we had Bloody Marys and this is funny. And Thursday, the lady stopped me and said some dead on stuff so I decided to chat her up some more. She was creepily accurate. Eeeh, who knows. Work was badass that night. Solid music=solid time! The early show was very pleasing to the ear, good for the hip shaking and the hips don't lie! The late show was The Dawes who were playing for some guy's birthday. Not too shabby!


Friday was cool beans too. Michelle and I had a most delish lunch at the Roebling Tea Room and then had adventures at Kings Pharmacy, a toy store and Whisk, among other places. Sans Michelle, I headed to Big D's again. It is AMAZING the difference in selection when SOBER! Fell in love with some sheets and immediately had them washed so I could get in them. Things were looking up!


Saturday. Well, Saturday not as pleasant. For one, I could not decide what to wear to work. I want to throw everything out. I had the brilliant (or NOT!) idea to cut up one of my beautiful, new pillow cases in order to make a shirt. DID NOT WORK. OBVIOUSLY. Work was a SHIT SHOW. The early show was hilarious and amazing! The Notorious MSG played. Not going to lie, I definitely bought a shirt...and cds....and posters....ha. This one customer said to me: "I love this band. They ('re) Asian band. I'm Asian." I looked at her and said "Oh, I didn't notice." The late show, well the late show was metal and everyone was getting kicked out. It was insane. As in, REALLY INSANE.


The cab ride home. Cabby: "Honey, some people are born assholes. Some people die assholes. Honey, I've been all over the world. Honey, I was a body guard in Hollywood and did things in Istanbul others would not even dream of. Honey, I'm writing three books and a Broadway musical. Honey, the musical is about two gypsies who fall in love but are really brother and sister. They were separated at birth. Honey, it doesn't work out. It's a tragedy.  Honey, ask me anything. I promise you, I will give you the best answer I've got. Honey, guys just want to get it in. Honey, remember to enjoy yourself. Honey, you're gonna think of a question in three weeks and wish I was around." I finally reach the door to my apartment, and my landlord's 19 year-old son is standing there fumbling with the keys. "I was supportin' my DJ friend. I supported my DJ friend. I got free drinks. I was supportin' a DJ friend." He has flowers in his hands. I tell him they're nice. "Have them. I was gonna give 'em to my mom but you have 'em. Stole 'em from two houses down." "Oh, well you can give them to your mom, thanks though." "NO. HAVE 'EM". I took the flowers.

No, I'm not moving, Harlem Brian.

I met this dude at work last September and went back to his apartment and made out with him. Don't get all judgmental. This is a rarity and also who cares. The dude's name is Brian. He lives in Harlem. I call him Harlem Brian. During this time period, I was suffering from a crazy roommate and was considering moving. Since then, H.B. would RANDOMLY text me asking if I had moved. Every time I would respond "no, not moving." He came to a show in the spring and I was working. He came over, said hi, and asked "did you move?" "No, I'm not moving." I saw him tonight at a different show. He came over and said hi. Then he asked me "did you move?" NO HARLEM BRIAN. I DID NOT MOVE. I also am glad we are not dating because evidently you are an idiot!