Lunch with Hilda.

Monday afternoon found me at my Gma's assisted living room having lunch with her and her people. She told me to show up at her place at 11:30 am. Lunch would start at 12 noon, but we would need to head down by ten of because of the fact that we would be walking at the pace of one mile an hour. Gma warned me that we would be sitting with a woman named Hilda, who is a bit off her rocker, and another lady (who is sweet but her name escapes me), who is completely deaf. My Gma thinks that seeing someone with a tattoo is wild, so I didn't put much stock in what she said about Hilda. That is, until I met Hilda. Lady is off her rocker, but I found her to be amazingly entertaining with a great spirit!

Hilda is this cute little lady with eyes that twinkle with life, as well as with a bit of something-is-missing-here. She was so accommodating and friendly with me. As soon as I sat down, she started off about how she loves men and is getting married in June, right here at the assisted living home. Would I want to be her maid of honor? The man she is marrying lives at another residential home, they love to dance together, and he is an excellent guitar player. "He's in a band! Do you have a boyfriend? There are other guys in the band. I bet they would marry you!" Hilda, oh Hilda, how did you know that I have a weakness for musicians?! Granted, I generally try to go a wee bit (see: a lot bit) lower than age 80. Hilda became obsessed with finding me a boyfriend. She literally asked EVERY SINGLE RESIDENT LIVING THERE for me. To the fellas, she would yell across the room, YELL!!!!, "Hey! She needs a boyfriend! Will you date her? Do you know anyone?" And she asked all of the women if they had any boys they could share. One resident said that he may be too old for me, but that he can set me up with guys ages 4-18. I informed him that that is definitely too young and then he broke into song. He was great. He's going back to Europe this summer where, where, as he informed me, it is very difficult not to stare at all of the beautiful women's legs. When it appeared that none of the residents could help me find love, Hilda then asked all of the workers, many of who were like teenagers. 

 Hilda also kept yelling across the room telling different guys how she can't wait to dance with them again. "I'm a huge flirt. I love to shake it." Hilda told me that she lost both her husband and son and then decided to just have fun and be happy, that nothing else matters. So now,she dances with everyone and flirts like mad. Though, she is quite the flirt herself, she did admit to me that she had to press her emergency button when she caught one male resident sneaking into the bedroom of the lady who lives next door to her. Hilda said that she asked him what he was doing and he answered that he wanted to sleep next to his girlfriend. Hilda had to press her emergency button because it was simply against the rules. The man she was referring to had three workers helping him into his seat, as he could barely walk by himself. It probably took the poor chap a good hour to get to his girlfriend's room.

Naturally, after such an exciting lunch, it made sense that my Gma and I would cap it off at one of her favorite places, CVS. She has so many coupons she was very excited to use! On the way out, Hilda saw me and stood up and danced with me a little, exclaiming again, just how much she loves to shake it, shake it!

Wedding, bam!

Okay, Sunday Funday Wedding Time finally here! What! I woke up feeling like complete hell, voice totally gone, IBS actin' a fool. Jess and I got brunch at this cute little French joint in the West Village where I pounded orange juice after orange juice served in a wine glass. I now only drink orange juice this way. For food, I had a most amazing oatmeal skillet concoction. I'm still thinking about it two weeks later. Oatmeal with herb potatoes and cheddar cheese and turkey bacon and beans! It sounds crazy! But oh the taste!! SO GOOD.

Post food, I got ready for the wedding at Jess'. God bless the girl. She doesn't have a full length mirror in the joint. It's decidedly hard to get ready without a full length mirror, while feeling like shit, in someone else's place. I put on nude tights because even though I'm usually all about fun tights, I was attempting to be classy. Nude tights plus knee length red overcoat definitely made me feel kind of stripper-ish. And the tights weren't the comfy sort. They were doing the slide down all night making me feel like a stuffed sausage. I kept trying to slyly pull them up as I was simultaneously getting low. Whoa. A whole paragraph dedicated to nude tights. Are you surprised?!

I had to head back and drop off my stuff at Bird's before heading to the wedding. On the train, I naturally made a new friend; a girl from Australia who is on holiday and is moving to London soon. She was going to participate in a ballroom dance contest that night. She was lovely and we had a lovely conversation and an older woman who was listening was very excited by all of the loveliness and we all wished each other well.

Somehow, I arrived at the venue, Freebrook Academy, 45 minutes early, so I made my way to a bodega where I bought cough drops and pet a cat. Always a great time! So, the wedding!!! Okay, I should probably state at some point that the bride is a dear, dear friend, Michelle, and the groom, an awfully lovely chap, Rustun. Michelle and I met working at Mercury Lounge and became fast friends. Just a few months into our friendship, we dressed up as Axl (her) and Slash (I) for Halloween, completely solidifying the bond. Since then, we have done a lot of other exciting things, like playing Ms. Pacman, petting cats, listening to Sinatra, and eating chocolate chip cookies. Michelle and Rustun are a really classy couple and their wedding totally represented this. Freebrook Academy is a totally charming mansion in Bed-Stuy built in the 1900s. It now serves as the space for a progressive school and also is where Boardwalk Empire shoots. AKA it's pretty amazing. I walked into the grandness and am immediately swept into a different era; vintage beauty swirling all around me, and jazz music filling the air. It was a great scene. To the left, there is a room where you can serve yourself wine and beer,and where a few people mingle. I make some new friends and wonder why I wasn't friends with these people before. As more people arrive and the time slips on, we are all ushered upstairs to a balcony where we would look down on the wedding. How badass is that?! Looking down on a wedding? None of that stuffy sitting pew business. Of course, I was completely terrified I would knock my wine over the ledge the entire time, but still, it was great. The wedding itself was really touching. It seemed that Michelle and Rustun were not sure where their vows were, but they said some very sweet stuff about each other. The speeches later went on the same theme. Literally no one could find (or wrote) a speech, but they were all funny and wonderful in their own rights. Michelle compared Rustun to a cat which I really liked because I really like cats. They like cats pretty much as much as me, which was evident in the fact that they had cats (along with a bride and groom) on their cake, and gave out pins with their cats' faces on them. I wore my pin so proudly let me tell you.

Amazing pins featuring amazing cats/amazing couple

Confessional: I had the very important job of clearing the plates throughout the night. I had every intention to do this and to do this well, but I must admit, there was not one plate that I cleared. Everyone around me was clearing plates. At one point, someone came to take my plate and I said that he is doing my job. He didn't seem to care, and he took the plate from my hands. I feel kind of bad about this. I'm sorry I did not clear a plate....

I was very happy to mingle and dance the night away,to catch up with old friends, and make new ones. I commented on how a couple of the ladies I'm friends with from work looked so different; they all had grown out and dyed their hair. In response, one of them told me, "You look exactly the same." Um, thanks?? I wasn't quite sure how to take that. The catching up with the peeps proved to be quite difficult after around an hour in because it was at this time that I could no longer speak. At all. I tried to  convey my thoughts through my body aka by dancing nonstop. I do feel like my dancing would have been better if it wasn't for that nude tight situation I had previously mentioned. Also, this happened: A dead sober, classic jam the finger in the door. A blood blister promptly formed which was (is) totally disgusting, but by which I was admittedly kind of fascinated by. So, yeah, I basically was a hot mess: blood blister, sausage nude tights, can't talk. At one point, Michelle came up to chat with me and I literally could not get a word out. I think she just thought I was speechless and I'm going to let her believe that. But despite this, it was wonderful and I'm so, so happy for them!!! Oh, did I mention that Pies and Thights (AKA to-die-for fried chicken, biscuits, and mac'n'cheese) catered the wedding?! HOLLA!!!

The Wedding Chronicles-the day before!

Still leading up to the wedding!

And we're on Saturday!

To recap, Friday had me chillin' with a professional fighter on the train, ordering an $18 drink, playing Apples to Apples, and hanging out with a couple of brosefs who go by the names of Tom and Jerry.

So, Saturday comes around and Ca$h and I are up early to head off for some morning stretches at pilates. It's an intimate class, with only Cassie, me, and some other chick there. The teacher is a funny lady, dressed up in her idea of a "cop" suit because she has an audition later that day. I'm all about fitness and stretching it out, but the real reason I was down to try the class is because I had heard a lot of stories of the teacher using different tactics to bring awareness to the body. For instance, using the term "neon thong". Sounds terrible, but it certainly does paint a picture of what area is being referred to. No neon thongs wore mentioned, but the ladycop teacher really enjoyed the phrase "lady station". I have taken years of dance and am currently hooked on Mind Body Barre classes, but yeah, one thing that pilates has always gotten me at (and not in a good way) is all the thinking about body parts. I find that I spend so much timing worrying about keeping my spine this way and that and over-thinking each move that I am free-birding. So, yeah, more lady station/neon thong talk please. Anyway, the whole experience was pretty good. I felt pretty limber afterwards which is always a plus.

Post-pilates, we had some mango bean salad (kudos to Ca$h), got our nails did, and went to an outstanding kitchen store. At the store, I was able to purchase some great stuff. Please refer to picture!!

Donut mix, cat cookie cutter, bless you tissues

After all that fun, Cassie and I headed for some Mexican grub and then counted down the minutes until we would be exposed to "Spring Breakers". Okay, by now a lot of you (maybe?) have seen or at least heard of the movie. Let me tell you, it is SOMETHING. Here is the trailer  and no, I don't recommend all audience members to watch this. It's very "R" if you will. Cassie and I only had a vague idea of what to expect. We found ourselves either laughing, about ready to leave our seats, and very "are you dead serious" the whole time. The best/worst part is that everyone around us seemed to be taking the whole thing in quite seriously. No one else seemed a little bit put off by the fact that it's the same like three script parts continuously looped over and over again. "Spring break. sprrriiiiing breaaaaak. Sprriiiiing breeeeak foreeever..." and "It's really nice here, Grandma. Everyone is so warm and welcoming..." and "You scared?! You scared? Yoouuuu scarreeeeed? Scaredy pants!!!" So much of that over and over. Yet, I do agree, some parts were kind of badass. Britney Spears montage was something. And yeah, I enjoyed all of the neon and stuff, but yeah. Whoa, I should get off this topic. Way to be vague....

So, after watching that, we both felt a bit off, understandably so. At this point, my voice was starting to go (bronchitis whaaat!), which added to my wtf-ness.  We eventually parted ways, Ca$h to an engagement party for tall people, and I off to spread cheer in the Lower East Side.  After making a cameo in the place where I used to work, I headed to the West Village to visit my dear friend, Jess. Craig's List brought us together back in 2007. Roommates, what! And we're still great friends, go figure! So, I got lost a lot en route to her apartment, because I always get lost in the Village, but it was lovely to see her and her nice boyfriend, once I eventually did arrive. I, quite hoarsely, caught them up on my life, and they, with much stronger voices, filled me in on theirs. The boy eventually left, and Jess and I hit up the town, aka went to a bar around the corner for a glass of wine. There we did more chatting, made some friends, and took some toilet paper. It wasn't stealing because stealing is bad, and also because we told the staff that we were in need and they were fine with it. It was a stellar time indeed, and the toilet paper came in handy, because it is a necessity and all (well, to most, or some).

Saturday was off the heezy, but as you may have gathered long. I mean, I really wouldn't blame anyone for stopping after the first paragraph. I do have rambling tendencies! Next up: a sweet-ass brunch and the WEDDING!!!!

And a lot of other great shiz because I'm totally revamping in crazy, mind-blowing ways! Brace yourself! And have a fabulous day!!!

Bronchitis, ain't nobody got time for that!!!

So, part of the reason I've been totally slacking is because I've been feeling totally lackluster! The wedding, which was amazing and that I started to blog about in my last post, was also great because it made the sickness kind of come to a head. Staying out late and playing Apples to Apples will definitely take a cold to the next level! I finally went to the doc's last week, and they put me on Prednisone which is a steroid and will kill the badness. The problem with me at the doctors (where do I start) is that despite the fact that I may appear semi-ill (black rings under eyes and coughing), I'm still chatting away asking about Easter plans and the weather.  Example: Doctor walks in. I ask her how she's doing. She replies she's okay, but how am I feeling. "Well, you know, don't feel so great, but it's sunny out!" It's amazing I got any medicine really. But, back to the Prednisone. I officially understand why athletes do crazy stuff when on the 'roids. I'm not doing anything nuts, but I definitely had a couple of days on edge. I tried to make a mix cd and my computer could no longer detect my burner. I was BESIDE myself. And you should have seen me making spelt flour cat biscuits. They ended up coming out great, but oh my, what a process! So angry!!!

Anyway, and then I was thinking, people call me Killah K, that's for sure, but I'm about more than just the day to day! I have recipes! And advice! And lots of good stuff to throw around! So, I'm going to work on really making this site completely awesome! Please be patient with me! I have more ideas than I can keep up with! Okay, so I suppose this is a sort of pregame post. It doesn't really tell the rest of what happened leading up to and including the wedding. That's coming though! This is more, making mixed cds while on 'roids is terribly annoying and there is a lot of great stuff to come! So, thanks for reading and please be patient as the greatness manifests!!!