Eye Exam!

I just had the best time at the eye doctors yesterday.  It was my first time at this particular joint, and the staff was quite lovely.  The girl who conducted the majority of my exam, lamented with me on the everyday day blah blah blah's of life.  I told her I would most certainly think fondly of her when I am feeling very wtf.  The optometrist himself was pretty much the shit. He told me that he could sense my energy and that he sees big things for my future.  I left the place feeling like a million bucks! Minus the fact that my eyes were totally dilated so driving and the necessary trip to the grocery store were a trip INDEED. Driving wasn't totally awful because it was more things up close that I could not see. Text messages, emails, and books could not be deciphered for over two hours post exam.  The grocery store was rough because it really was a crap shoot as to what I was buying, and I definitely failed the pin action on the debit machine swiper guy.

Anyhoo, I'm almost sad that I don't need to go back to the eye docs for another year or so.  I liked those peeps believing in my dreams while simultaneously writing me a new prescription (which has gotten worse...ya win some, ya lose some). This was pretty much the highlight of my week besides seeing "Step Up Revolution" (for the second time).  Don't judge!

Monday Reflections.

This is what's happening in my head today....

1. The ladies in Zumba are starting to learn more of the words to Usher's "Scream". They now sing along "now relax and get on your back".  Quite amusing.

2. I feel like my shimmying is not what it used to be.  The shimmy used to be my strong suit.  In fourth grade my dance teacher was stumped on what to do for the first eight in "Love Shack".  I suggested shimmying. She obliged. So much shimmying. Twenty years later, I've lost some of my shake. Putting practicing the shimmy on my to-do list.

3. The lady whose cats I watch was telling me that the woman who cleans her house has been seeing a ghost in her own house, a thirty something male wearing a denim shirt.  I wonder if this guy is single.  I have nothing against hanging out in old houses. I can get into denim.

4. I've been more Zen-like lately which sounds great, but at the same time, when you're all Zen, it can be hard to motivate because you're too busy being in the clouds feeling like it'll all just work out, it's all good, whatever. Om ba da boom!

5. I read the following inspirational blurb today (from Women's World, aah ha)  "Doors will open for you. Opportunities abound for the creative and capable-exactly the kind of person you are. Just open your eyes and your heart to possibilities, turn the knob and walk through!" My question is, where the hell is that door?! Ba da bing!

I'm looking for a job.

I'm looking for a job.  Here's what I'm good at:

1. The jumble in the paper.  I can unscramble all of the words including the riddle in one minute, seriously.  I am not sure how this would help me in the "real world" unless maybe a memo was jumbled and I could be the decipherer. Thoughts?

2. Sighting cats. I have the uncanny ability to spot cats.  Driving around, I'll be the one to say "Oh look at that cat under the truck in the driveway." No one else has any idea what I'm talking about.  Going for a walk, "Look at that brown cat sitting on the rocks!" Everyone else is squinting their eyes.

3. Playing ocean with two year-olds.  My niece will visit and I am able to entertain her for HOURS by pretending that a blue blanket is the ocean and the pillows are the hills.  The stuffed animals go swimming then retreat to the hills when they need a break.  Even the sheep is doing the doggy paddle and even the penguin can fly during our game. I have also taught her how to say doggy paddle, belly up, and backstroke.

4. Putting together the perfect lemon-water ratio for your hydrating pleasure.  I've been throwing lemon juice in water for around 20 years now and have it down to a science.

5. Showering in ten minutes. I don't miss a spot, hair washed and all, in ten minutes or less.  I guess this shows that I'm a good multi-tasker?

6. Rolling my eyes. At this point it happens so frequently that I don't even know that it's happening. This probably is not a good thing.

7. Random accents, especially when talking to myself.  It can admittedly get out of control, but I think this could come in handy for international affairs.


So yeah, if you know anyone who's hiring....

Cat Crash Diet!

So, the vet said that Rags is overweight.  He weighs 15.6 pounds and should only be 9-12. He basically needs to lose a small kitten.  My dad has cut back his food from an endless supply of dry food to one can of wet food per day. Rags is currently staring at his empty plate and I feel terrible about it.  Our vet is great.  He saved my cat Mittens' life after she came home missing half of her leg (ah, what?!), but shouldn't we be in the day and age where we respect all body types?! Even the little heftier ones?? Rags should not be punished for his full figure! I feel especially bad because I just spent the last two hours baking a homemade apple coffee cake and heating up a pizza and now will eat both in front of him. I'm also concerned because Rags has always stared at his reflection in the fire place.  I thought he was marveling at his handsomeness. But maybe he is thinking, whoa I could lose a few. Hopefully not.

Broken Egg!

A few weeks ago I was making an egg scrambler and an egg rolled off the counter and broke on the floor.  That night, I dreamed that I was hanging out with my friend and her family in a little hut and was breaking eggs. The dream then cut to me running but my running shoes were loose around the ankles.  I later looked up what this could mean and broken eggs in a dream represent being in a fragile place in one's life.  This is sort of true for I had been having one of those years. But then again, I DID literally break an egg that day AND my running shoes are REALLY loose around the ankles.  My subconscious and actual life are mirroring each other.  Tonight I felt the urge to make an apple coffee cake (no actual coffee is involved) and once again, an egg rolled off the counter and broke.  Now my dream is not only representing life on a a literal and also metaphorical level, it is also predicting kitchen accidents to come.  So much meaning! It's like how I always end up sitting backwards on the train! Life representing life! OR NOT.

Anyhoo, yeah, raging on this Friday night.  Tom Collins,baking, solo dance party. The usual.

My Life in Pictures.

Scrabble and Hip Hop.

Summer of scrabble with the moms and as we play, we jam out to the latest in poor hip hop music.  Every once in a while, my mom, the Blond Bombshell, will burst out laughing, saying that the song is even better when you start listening to the lyrics.  Example, the Gym Class Heroes' song "Ass Back Home" when the girl sweetly sings I don't know where you're going, just get your ass back home. "She just sounds so sweet singing it!" Blond Bombshell laughs.  She also is a big fan of Kanye rhyming "come and meet me in the bathroom stall" stating that the bathroom stall is the last place she would want to go for such meetings.  And most recently, she is absolutely loving the New Boyz' song "Better With the Lights Off" where the song goes Girl I hope you don't take this the wrong way but girl you look better with the lights off, better with the lights off, ooooh.... Hey, from a girl's perspective, you gotta love the forwardness in this statement.  No bullshitting from these boyzzzzzz.....

Elderly People.

King's Row!

I went from catching live (not dead) music nearly every night to seeing the local "talent" at my Gma's assisted living place.  Welcome to my life. The annual bbq outdoor fiesta thing was this past week. The band, King's Row, was actually not totally terrible.  Since it was outdoors, they didn't have to worry about turning down their amps too much. Hearing aids and amps do not mix! My Gma somehow scored us seats in King's Row "reserved" section, front row! Oh man.  The group has been performing together for thirty-one years and had some nice harmonies, but some of their song choices killed me a bit.  I'm all about oldies but "Unchained Melody" and "Runaround Sue"?? Really?? "And now we are going to play some of the most romantic songs ever." NO THANK YOU!! Please, please, no thank you! I will give the bassist/vocalist props however for hitting some of those high notes.

For a brief moment moment I thought maybe there'd be a potential not terrible fellow there, maybe a grandson or something.  Clearly not.  Scanning the audience of snow-capped heads, it was painfully obvious that the median age was 80.

Gma and I

Speaking of hanging with an older crowd, I've been taking Zumba with my mom and am definitely the youngest person in class. Unlike the elderly home, the median age is closer to 55.  Lots of mambo-ing to songs about being sexy and the roof being on fire.  The ladies absolutely LOVE dancing to Usher's song "Scream".  When the instructor asks if anyone has any requests, fifteen or so ladies chime in enthusiastically requesting the jam.  I'm not sure if they would like it so much if they could actually heard the lyrics.  I know that they can't hear them because a few have mentioned that they have no idea why the song is called "Scream".  "Does he even say scream in the song? I've never heard the word scream. I would have thought the song would be ooh baby baby."  One lady told me that she never thought much of Usher's music, but that has not stopped  her from thinking he is very handsome.  Obviously, I had to agree with her on his looks.  FYI: there is a whole lotta hip rolling in this dance.  It is QUITE the scene...

The engine is dead.

I was on a commuter rail train from Boston to the sticks the other day when the train came to an abrupt stop. I was pretty absorbed in my smutty magazine/Ipod so didn't think much of it until ten minutes or so had passed.  Another ten go by before the train man comes on and says the engine is dead, hold on folks! I immediately thought about how I had to pee because really, when do I not have to pee.  Ten minutes later and people are getting awfully antsy, putting in phone calls to get picked up, all that jazz.  Train man comes on to say that the engine is very dead and he'll be in touch with more info.  Every fifteen minutes or so he'd come on and basically say the same thing.  After an hour we switch trains.  I sit down next to some college kid who works for the duck tours and is chatting to me about Adam Sandler being a dick, customer service hoopla, and how he refuses to work on the weekends. I told him that I had to go to the bathroom, not sure why, and also how I always end up sitting backwards on trains. I never can get a seat going forward.  It's very life representing life, like a metaphor or something.  He gets off and a girl sits next to me who I also felt the need to tell that I had to pee. Once again, not sure why. Evidently to me this is the equivalent to talking about the weather. But seriously, does no one else have to pee on this train?? I find this very difficult to believe.  Anyway.  The girl is happy she is alive because one time she was on a plane that caught on fire and she was fairly certain the train was going to explode.  I told her maybe our bad luck canceled each other out.  I also told her that at least she has a story to tell now, she could write a book.  She was into the idea, said she'd get on it when she got home.  In five minutes, we pepped each other up and about our lives.  Lots of: It was good to meet you. Yeah, life is totally good, it's fine. We're good. Things are going to work out! Nice talk! Good talk! It'll all work out.  No problem! Yup, have a good night! I hope you get to find a bathroom! Thanks! I'd like to go to the bathroom at some point! 


End scene.

Pandora!

I sat down to write an amazing blog entry but my mind is rather blank with the exception of thinking about how my current Hall and Oates Pandora station is basically the best station ever.  Unnecessarily long sentence. Anyway. Wham! just came on and that's pretty exciting. Wham! reminds me of my television production class in high school.  We were in charge of bringing in our own music for projects but it was all good if we forgot because my teacher had an endless supply of Wham! albums we could choose from.  Good stuff.

·         Shuffle

·         Hall & Oates Radio

options

add variety

·         Frank Ocean Radio

·         Pumped Up Kicks Radio

·         Xxplosive Radio

·         2000s Hip Hop Radio

·         Beyoncé Radio

·         Calvin Harris Radio

·         Glenn Miller Radio

·         Phoenix Radio

·         Rihanna Radio

·         It Was A Good Day Radio

·         Cold War Kids Radio

·         The Morning Benders Radio

·         Kanye West Radio

·         Good Life Radio

·         Deerhunter Radio

·         Heartless Bastards Radio

·         Portugal. The Man Radio

·         Florence + The Machine Radio

·         Dig Radio

·         Michael Jackson Radio

·         Andy Williams (Holiday) Radio

·         Ella Fitzgerald Radio

·         Classic Hip Hop

·         The Rat Pack Radio

·         Bob Marley Radio

·         Donny Hathaway (Holiday) Radio

·         Wynton Marsalis (Holiday) Radio

·         This Christmas Radio

·         The Verve Radio

·         Coldplay Radio

·         Maps Radio

·         Common Radio

·         Pop / Rock

·         Classic Pop

·         Best Of The 80s Reloaded Radio

·         mom

·         Keri Hilson Radio

·         Naughty By Nature Radio

·         Under My Thumb Radio

·         Through The Wire Radio

·         Big Band / Swing

·         Britney Spears Radio

·         Classic Hip Hop

·         N.E.R.D. Radio

·         Yeah Yeah Yeahs Radio

·         Jay-Z Radio

·         Interpol Radio

·         Editors Radio

·         Come On Eileen Radio

·         Alternative Pop/Rock

·         Classic Rock

·         I Got A Man Radio

·         The-Dream (R&B) Radio

·         Heat Of The Moment Radio

·         Frank Sinatra Radio

·         Frank Sinatra (Holiday) Radio

·         Metallica Radio

·         Guns N' Roses Radio

·         Spoon Radio

·         Weezer Radio

·         The Chipmunks (Holiday) Radio