Christian Raphael

I've come out of semi-retirement to cover a shit ton of shifts and work, work, work. Yesterday was my first day off in a bit and it was utterly perfect. I rolled out of bed, made myself some coffee on the rocks and ate half a waffle. Already, I was off on a great start. After some corresponding with Chainsaw, we decided it would be in our best interest to go shopping. We hit up SoHo where I bought a nifty skirt and short overalls (yes, it did happen). We then ate amazing cheeseburgers, fries, fried pickles and drank one cider each. It was ravishing. I had to go to the bathroom after this so I stood in line and had a most pleasant conversation with a man who was waiting on a veggie burger. Delightful. Since the weather was most agreeable, we walked the Williamsburg Bridge back to the BK. I think the walk helped to settle my stomach but the sun unfortunately further cooked Chainsaw's food causing some minor aches. Once back in our borough, we decided that there is nothing better than sitting on a boat, so that we did. We took our first ride on the new East River ferry line. So relaxing! Post-waves, we sat in Muffin and people watched for around an hour and then we went to the waterfront to gaze into the water. At the waterfront, we were fortunate to meet Christian Raphael. He seemed very reminiscent of "Midnight in Paris" (which you must see if you have not)-a soul from a different time. It is VERY hard to describe Christian Raphael. First off, we are not sure if that is his real name. But we saw him, a manorexic artist fellow, with large, wild gestures, sitting in front of us. His drawings were flying away so I ran after them. He came over and joined us. He was nuts. And we loved him. He told us how breathing is important. How he wants to open an orphanage and have six children breathe in synchronicity. How remembering to breathe will help to fight toxins and negative thinking. He walks around yelling "nice tits!" at ladies. The ladies always say thanks because they only want to hear the good, they are egotistical. He is here illegally. For three years he was married into the richest family in America then he went homeless. He likes to take long soaks. His favorite artist is J Dilla. He also is a big fan of DJ Premier. He got arrested Friday night in the hopes of getting the attention of his love. He believes that honesty is the best policy. When the cops asked him what drugs he had on him, he straight up told him, cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana and heroin. He was released within an hour and a half. He hardly checks his phone. At one point, he went over to strangers and came back with a Stella. He never pays for anything anymore. He believes in paying the homeless. At one point, he called over the park workers. Chainsaw and I were freaking that his open bottle would get us in trouble. Nope. The park dudes are his "brothers". He gave them a blunt. There is no way to accurately describe this dude or what went down on this night. This all may sound nuts, but he did have points. About giving back and not thinking and remembering to breathe and trusting in oneself and to never feel guilty and the list goes on. My breathing has definitely improved since meeting this guy and my mind is quite clear. It was pretty fun times not going to lie. Maybe that makes me nuts too.