Sail Along on the Block Island Ferry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me making out with a bloody dead fish!

Block Island is pretty much amazing and I was happy as a clam to go there last Saturday.  To get to BI, you need to take a ferry and of course, to get to the ferry, you must drive (or miraculously live RIGHT there).  Well, I drove the hour and a half trek and did NOT, repeat NOT, get lost once! Admittedly, my knuckles were clenched tight as I gripped the wheel in the recommended 10 to 2 ratio (though, I recently read 9 to 2 is more acceptable these days).  I did however talk to myself along the way.  In the beginning it was "I hate driving! I hate driving!" followed by random life thoughts, but after 48 minutes I was saying "this isn't too bad!"

As I waited in line to buy my ferry ticket, a woman nearly cut me in line til her husband pointed towards me standing there, a foot under them.  The husband told me I should "jack up" his wife but I said "I'd let it slide this time." A guy standing behind all of us said he would have cut me too and then proceeded to run ahead to a different line. He obviously has no social skills and/or is a jackass.  Anyhoo, Cassie and her mom, Mrs. C., arrived for the adventure shortly after I had gotten my ticket and we boarded together.  Cassie and I both stupidly rocked flowy dresses aka oh here's the wind and now here is my ass. Walking around the boat was quite the challenge for the both of us. As the boat took off, we went to get drinks, me a dark and stormy and for them, bloody mary's, flashing everyone along the way.  Cassie's mom and I decided that we officially "do not care!" about a lot of things and are turning over new leaves. Inspirational times.

Cash and Mrs. C.

The first thing we did when we got there was to hit up the shops.  As Cash tried on shorts in one boutique, Mrs. C. and were getting low to the store's music and talking to the mannequin.  One of the shop ladies ran over to hug us, saying she was getting goosebumps from our energy and to keep up the good work.  More from her later.

Eating was next on our agenda and was a constant theme throughout the day, but the main attraction of BI are the amaaaaazing mudslides at Champlin's marina.  Watching boats come in, pretty much private roof deck, and internet jukebox-this is the stuff dreams are made of people!! Bird and I hit up the jukebox and played the following songs: 1. The Summer Wind-Sinatra 2. Say It Ain't So-Weezer 3. Patience-GNR 4. I Can't Go For That-Hall and Oates 5. P.Y.T.-Michael Jackson 6. Strokin'-Clarence Clemons. The bartenders were so into this that we got the one-two gun motions as we made our departure. It was pretty much a standing O (that and they were already standing).

Bret and Mr. C.'s friendship in a picture

From there, we ventured to hang with Mrs. C's friends who were renting out a house on the island. Even though it was totally G and a baby was present, I felt like I was on spring break as I sipped my second beer.  Sun, storytelling, and a summer breeze will create that kind of allusion.  As will Brit, one of the friends, and Mr. C. texting back and forth about how Mr. C. should have come to the island as well. Except instead of words, there were pictures representing their friendship. Good times indeed.

The lady we gave goosebumps was on our ferry ride back and picked our brains as to how in the hell she and her friends saw a crescent moon sink into the sky. Has this ever happened before? Does this mean something? Is this some sort of mystical sign?

We were beyond sad to reach the shore, marking the end of our magical day.  I was however, super jazzed to make the trek home in one piece without getting lost again! I even passed two cars!!!

Former germ phob!

Interviews.

Here are three examples of me on job interviews.

1. NYC 2010, interviewing for a hostessing position after leaving (sketchy) non-profit job of three years.

Interviewer: What's something you're really proud of that you've done lately? A big goal of yours that you have accomplished?

Me: Quitting my old job.

Interviewer: Excuse me?

Me: Hey, I'm really proud I actually quit.

Yes, I did get the job which was kind of terrible because there were so many cheeseburgers in front of me all of the time and I was too broke to actually eat them.

2. Retail work 2011, looking for seasonal holiday shift.

Interviewer: Tell me about a time that a co-worker was doing something you didn't agree with and how you dealt with it?

Me: Well, when I was counseling kids, one of my co-workers was in a cult.  It was quite bizarre. I noticed that she was inviting the parents of the students to her church and didn't think this was right so I went to my supervisor, who was aware of her affiliations.  He told me to tell her to stop.  I tried to tell her but it was awkward because I worked with her all of the time. But yeah, I don't think she stopped.

Interviewer: Ah, what?

I also got this job.  Somehow it had the most intense training ever despite the fact that I wasn't saving lives or anything....much more training that actual counseling had.  How does that make sense??

3. Montessori classroom assistant 2012.

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

I tell her where I lived blah blah blah what I've done for work blah blah blah my experience working with kids blah blah blah that I love writing blah blah blah have done some comedy blah blah blah. "Oh!!!!! And I really love cats and cheese!!!!"

Interviewer: Yeah, cats and cheese are good.....

Not sure if I got this one, but I did treat myself to a great iced coffee and two chocolate munchkins on the way home!

I'm Lost.

I've come to the realization that if I drive anywhere outside of my normal 20 mile radius, I'm 100% getting lost, gps system present or not.  You'd think this would upset me or that I'd learn, but strangely I'm just proud to always eventually get unlost.  This may take 45 minutes to an hour, but if I make it home at all, I feel like I've succeeded.  Moreover, my confidence actually grows from making it home alive.  Many feel that cars give you freedom, but in my case, they only give me the freedom to get completely lost.

As I was aimlessly driving, blasting "Xxplosive" and other amazing jams from my newly made cd mix (yes, I'm still doing cds), I had the epiphany that not only do I have merely a vague idea as to where I am going street-wise, I also only have a vague idea as to where I'm going any-wise.  It's really all a crapshoot. And strangely enough, I'm okay with this (today anyway).

Saturday I'm driving an hour and a half to Pt. Judith to sail along the Block Island Ferry. I'll prob. leave like 3 hours before departure just to give me enough time to take multiple wrong turns.

Other highlights from the day:

1. Tuna sandwich-why the hell not?!

2. Honey Dew iced coffee-pretty smooth!

3. I've been peeing ever since-don't give a damn!!

4. Accidentally swallowing a cherry pit-who cares!

CD Mix!

1. Amen-Meek Mill feat Drake

2. Can't Tell Me Nothing-Kanye West

3. Climax-Usher

4. End of Time-Beyonce

5. Evil-Interpol

6. Hang Me up To Dry-Cold War Kids

7. Heart In A Cage-The Stokes

8. An Honest Mistake-The Bravery

9. It Was A Good Day-Ice Cube

10. Mercy-Kanye West

11. Never Scared REMIX-Bone Crusher

12. O.N.E.-Yeasayer

13.Only You-Mase, 112, Notorious B.I.G.

14. Pursuit of Happiness-Kid Cudi

15. Sweet Dreams-Beyonce

16. Wait (The Whisper Song)-Ying Yang Twins

17. Walkin' On The Move-The-Dream and Kanye West

18. Xxplosive-Dr. Dre

I know, I know, these songs are very not deep and very what-is-your-taste-in-music, but they also emit a definite "I don't give a damn" vibe which is what I'm going for. Lost? I don't give a damn!

Typical Day.

Today I worked with some little kids, two of whom (jokingly) attacked me, saying they were going to eat my entire head for dinner. Delicious! Another kid actually did bite me, twice. Good times!

After all that fun, I went to the doc's for a urine test, standard stuff.  I'm basically a peein' machine yet I didn't find this to be the easiest task.  Better than the blood test a couple of weeks ago where I tried to distract myself by discussing frogs with the nurse before passing out and waking up to smelling salts, juice, and an ice pack.  As I was coming to, a dude waltzes in, gets his blood drawn, and is out while I'm still sitting there.

Today in waiting room number 1 some guy started talking to me.  He now knows my entire life story. We also discussed: cults, karma, roofs and ice, roofs and heat.

In waiting room number 2, another dude asked me if I was Portuguese.  We then discussed the weather, Fall River, chourice, Cape Verde, and being messes of life.

Off topic, but I've discovered a new way to de-stress: weeding. My sister bought a house so my mom and I were helping her tame her wild-ass yard. They opted for tools, while I used my bare hands to rip everything in sight up.  I was seriously covered in dirt Pig Pen style but felt quite relaxed.

Dangling Arms and Limbo.

The summertime has me thinking about arms out the window and I gotta say, I don't understand it. I see arms dangling from cars all of the time and I decided I'd try but it just isn't comfortable. Maybe it's because my arms are short. I also fear that I will lose a limb. Does no one else ever feel that way??

Speaking of short limbs, Katie and I were out the other day and saw a police blockade which made my mind automatically think of hurdles/limbo, neither of which I am good at.  I tried hurdles once in high school track but forgot to jump.  That'll hurt the shins let me tell you!  Katie and I got to talkin' about the limbo and neither of us are good at it, nor do we like it, despite being non-tall. I don't know if it's the pressure, like people would assume we would be good at it or what, but we both get a little anxious if the game is going on and also cheat.  Heads-up, seven-up used to make me a bit anxious too.  Like, what if I think someone tapped me but no one did? Or what if I think Michael tapped me but I have a crush on Michael so I can't actually say I think it was him because then obviously he would know....

Yeah.

Great hair day/Sinatra!

I'm having an exceptionally good hair day and no one is around to notice it.  First world problem big time.  I'd consider taking a picture of it but I don't know how to take a picture of myself without looking like THAT GIRL.  You know that girl who takes pics of herself on her webcam and is pretty gross yet everyone likes her photos.  Except I don't have a webcam (and don't sit around taking pis of myself).  I have a phone I bought on amazon.  Anyway, the only breathing creatures around me to ask to take a photo of my hair are Rags and a couple of wild turkeys in my back yard.  Exciting stuff out here in the country.

In addition, after having a go-getter Monday, I have not accomplished a damn thing today.  After staring at my computer for two hours or so, while taking breaks to get low and check out the turkeys, I found the willpower to respond to two whole emails.

Since I've basically come to terms with the fact that I'm a waste of space today, I have refocused my attention for the last 45 minutes on deciding between going for a run and making myself an iced coffee.

Today's gonna be a long one!

Thank the high heavens for this amazing video highlighting the Great Ol' Blue Eyes' letter to Mike Royko.

Best lines ever:

1."Quite frankly, I don't understand why people don't spit in your eye three or four times a day."

2. "I will allow you to pull my "hairpiece". If it moves, I will give you another $100,000, if it does not, I punch you in the mouth. How bout it?"

More guys need to be like this.

Hipster Weight.

My fab sister posted this on her Facebook: 

It made me chuckle.  I also like it because it is further proof that I am NOT a hipster despite my brother's jabs at family functions.  Sure, I don't own baggy pants. Actually, I pretty much straight up avoid pants (too constricting!).  Granted, I worked at a music venue and lived in Brooklyn.  BUT. I cannot ride a bike, am not in a band, and do not know the first thing about Instagram. Plus, there is really nothing ironic about this lady. Ridiculous, but not ironic. So, there!

Providence Waterfire with Bird.

Where: Providence, RI
Scene: A mass of people waiting around, both patiently and borderline silently, for a guy riding around in a gondola to light up fire pits along the river.
Reminds me of: When Bird and I lived together in college and we ordered a gondola shaped pizza from a local pizzeria.

This is a bad picture of the dude who lights the fires:  


This photo certainly does NOT give the ridiculousness of the situation justice.  The guy takes his time, I'm talkin' a good four minutes per fire pit.  He does some crazy winding motions with the fire sticks, really drawing out the whole shabang.  He is bald except for his lengthy ponytail and is wearing black pants with flames on them.  We decided that when he is not lighting water on fire, he probably is either a martial arts instructor or works at Hot Topic.

Once the river is ablaze, the crowd begins to chatter excitedly while staring at the flames.  Bird and I can only handle staring at one thing for so long, so we decide to wander.  We stumble upon a swingfest.  Who knew that basically everyone in this tiny state capital knew how to jitterbug?! Pretty much everyone is hardcore digging the scene....except for this kid:

NOT INTO IT!!!!!

And finally, we couldn't leave before I got my fortune from some statue artist people.  Put a dollar in their bucket, and they will give you your fortune via a piece of green paper.  These guys must be bankin'...and for what?! And yet, always curious on fortune fronts, a dollar I did give.  My fortune reads: "act now upon your wishes".  Damn straight!

After all of this hoopla, I naturally got insanely lost driving home.  I'm talking driving an hour and a half in the wrong direction. That's what happens when the gps system is programmed to be "off road".  Awesome.  And this is why I need a subway system....