Sketchy Overload.

I lived in NYC for four years. It was fun but it beat me down. I'm regrouping back at my parents' house. I'd feel lame about this except for the fact that I'm awesome. Anyway, sometimes I get sad I'm not there still. I was eating dinner with my parents tonight and my mom raised an excellent question: "Is there anything about New York that isn't sketchy? Your last landlords were kind of sketchy. That one roommate, she was sketchy." Her list went on. Touche, mom. Touche. It's safe to say that my New York experience was a sketchy one.

Take for instance, my job (one of many). I worked for a non-profit counseling kids. I really enjoyed some aspects of it and DID feel like I saved some souls (true story!), oh but the sketchiness was fierce. For one, the place underwent an FBI investigation involving peddling and kickbacks. And to think I never got a raise! I also worked with the craziest people ever. Former Santeria follower turned Mother of God cult addict was just one of many people who made me question my sanity. The place was for lack of a better term, SKETCHY.

Then there was the periods of apartment hunting and random roommates. I've done this in Boston and people are nuts there too but the NY roommate search was something else. I went to this one apartment and the guy who lived there told me the cat shits in the tub, hope that is not a problem. Ah, yeah, no problem at all...WHAT?! This guy also had jars filled with crabs in formaldehyde. On the walls, he had hung paintings he had created of crabs doing recreational activities such as riding bikes. WHAT?! And to think, HE DIDN'T CHOOSE ME. Sketchy!

I went on a date once which involved a dude having me install steel wool into the cracks of his apartment so he wouldn't get mice. Sweet way to work up an appetite buddy. Somehow I didn't mind this. Still, SKETCHY.

And there was the time I was watching the Red Sox at a bar and met a guy. Right after meeting him, he tried to bring me to a public bath house. I got all the way there before I decided this is too sketchy even for me and ran away.

Of course my experiences at the doctors were always sketchy as hell too. There was the time I got cut my thumb on a can and it bled for four hours. I went to see the doctor the next day. I called in and told them what happened. The doctor told me that it was too late to get stitches so he prescribed me some ointment and then he sent me down the hall for a hearing test. The person administering the test asked me why I was seeing Dr. Lerch. I told her about my thumb and she said Dr. Lerch is a hearing specialist. WHY DID THEY SEND ME TO A HEARING SPECIALIST FOR MY THUMB?!

A year passed and I was bit twice by a pitbull, once in my shoulder and once in my ass. I called the doctors, told them what happened and they rushed me in. DR. LERCH AGAIN! He muttered about  how pitbulls aren't good dogs, prescribed me an ointment and then told me I should get my hearing tested! REALLY DUDE?! I wised up from my last trip and was like "NO! I don't need a hearing test! I got bit by a pitbull! Jesus!"

Another time I had to get a blood test, and as always, I started to get woozy. I passed out with the needle in me and ended up lying down on a table. They brought me water, not even juice! And then they stuck the needle back in me! REALLY?! You get blood, I pass out, and you want to stick it back in me?! Great!

And then of course this happened:

SKETCHY

These are only a few of the sketchy encounters I've had in the Big Apple. There are so many more. Some of them are so terrible I may have to save out until my official memoirs are published. Still, I love the city. I do however think this break is much needed.