May Day! May Day! May Day!

I'm ashamed at the complete lack of blogging that I have done this month. I'm not even sure where to begin. I will blame my negligence on being semi-overwhelmed by lots of work. I accepted a summer reading teacher position which covers ages 4-adult. This requires me reading a ton of stuff and stressing about nothing because it is me after all. I've also been subbing nonstop, writing band reviews, getting low, and showing my face. Ah, these are all excuses really. I haven't been blogging because it has either been pouring in which case I have no motivation whatsoever or else it has been sunny and I have no motivation whatsoever. Awesome.

Anyway.

Here's what's been going on:

Zumba. With my mom. Lots of shaking with the dental hygienists from Doctor Robitaille's office. One of them thought I was 14. Aaah. Yeah....

Gma's birthday dinner with my other cousins at Ruby Tuesdays. I hate those chain restaurants let me tell you. The one thing I know that I like, the California salad, I didn't get because I was trying to be adventurous. FAIL. Anyway. I got my grandma Great Grains cereal as part of her gift because I know she is a fan. I was expecting her to be happy enough by Gma legit started crying, stating: "This is the best gift I could have gotten. I have been looking in the ads, looking and looking, and it is never going on sale! It used to always be on sale. I didn't know how much longer I could go on without it." Oh man. All this to save a buck!! I was losing it a little at the restaurant, not going to lie, felt kind of antsy. The waitress didn't help. She brought us back $6 for change when it was supposed to be $28. After some waiting, she fixed it, but then she brought us back a $20 which made it hard for tipping. She then took off with the bill, promising to return with two tens. And then she forgot. I can't be mad of course though. I've accidentally thrown people's credit cards in the trash when I worked in the biz so I get where she's coming from. It's hard to be non foggy these days.

What else.

So, went to church. Yeah, this happens sometimes these days. My parents go to this super lax Catholic church where they accept everyone, divorced, gay, priests can be married, it's all good! They skip prayers and we take shots of wine. Not too too terrible I suppose. So, on this one particular day, the priest who is a kind of funny fellow, was christening some kid in the middle of mass and saying how it was an exorcism and all of this stuff. Rather odd. Towards the end, I spot a hugeass wasp on the guy's back infront of us. I point it out to my dad and he then promptly slams the dude on the back so hard, it was something. And then proceeds to smash down on the wasp at least ten times. It was dead.

What else. Have I done anything fun? Well, last Friday night found me in an artist warehouse in Scummerville selling La Parca (http://laparca.com/) gear as the Porn Theater Ushers performed. Pretty classic.

Music reviews. It's hard to find music that is worthy of reviewing. I have been rotating between two cds (yes, cds) in the car these days. One is a mix of Jay Z, Kid Cudi, and a lot of terrible pop songs that are now popular. The other is the Rat Pack, Ella Fitz, and Glenn Miller. Something very badass about blasting that with the windows down. Today I went for a walk and I thought I heard cats meowing but then realized it was a Passion Pit song, what that says for their music, I'm not really sure.

Oh, I've started doing push-ups again because I read that opening the chest up promotes good moods. I have sore arms and am getting jacked, but I'm happy!

This blog entry pretty much sucks.

Fear not, June is my birth month and my horoscope is predicting a way better year than last so I'm very positive the next entry will be way more jazzy and interesting and awesome because I will have put this 27th year behind me. Thank you god.

NY Part 2, What, what!

Saturday:


Sleep? Never! The day had us up early, running on empty. It was fine initially. We got string cheese and iced teas to pregame for brunch. Naturally, we went to the joint that Jay Z and B go to. Sadly, no sightings, but the food was pretty tasty and that's what really matters. Actually, the food was okay. We were so hungry that the devouring of pretty much anything would have happened.

What came next was not at all relaxing. Me trying to fit in a lot of people on no sleep. Ferry rides were involved. I spotted my former landlords exiting a boat at one point and immediately hid behind Cassie. They aren't my faves. Sometimes being short has its perks. So, we got off the ferry in Williamsburg and I had a mini-panic attack regarding the amount of people that were hanging out at the smorgasbord thing. How did I deal with this on a regular basis?! I think if I were to move back, I may have to reside in a less populated/hip region. Anyway, so the seeing of friends happened blah blah blah. Good times, great people, ya know how it is.

Ca$h and I had to power through because we had tickets to the 11pm "showing" of Sleep No More. After some kicking it with the people, we decided to regroup by watching the latest episodes of Supernatural. So bad it's good and then bad again. It's an excellent thing that you have to be silent for the three hours of Sleep No More because I, generally a talker, had caught a bad case of the mumbles. I was tired incoherent style.

Anyhoo, Sleep No More is the rage so I feel bad getting into details and boring the audience (do people even read this thing??). Sum style: creepy/awesome play (loose term) based on Macbeth (probably should have brushed up on the story) involving lots of floors with tons of rooms, angry dancing, the wearing of white masks, eerie sights. It was an experience for sure. I saw some scenes more than once and totally missed other things which was kind of annoying. I totally dug the speakeasy-esque band that indicated we survived the madness.


Sunday!


Sunday was super relaxing, obligations be gone! Pretty much the perfect day revolved around eating, nice weather, strange train rides, and the Rat Pack. We spent the majority of the day in Red Hook which is amazing for its lack of people and abundance of water. Score! We hit up Fairway Market aka a grocery store because it is just that awesome, taking advantage of the free samples and marveling at the selection. After some aimless wandering and are you dead serious moments, we hit up the Red Hook Lobster Pound, which can easily be described as glorious. Lobster rolls, chips, Sarsaparilla,and totally awesome music. Am I in Block Island or Brooklyn, I'm sorry I forgot. Amazing! I hadn't finished my drink which was in an old fashioned bottle, so carried it with me as we walked back to watch more Supernatural. A police car stopped to question me about the drink. Cassie explained how it was a smooth soda with hints of this and that. We highly recommended it to the gentlemen and they drove off, most likely to get their own.

The train ride to go see the Rat Pack tribute band at B.B. King's was classic. This less attractive Kurt Cobain-ish dude rolled onto the train in his high power wheelchair. "Excuse me! Excuse me! Get out of my way!" Dude was yelling and pushing baby carriages out of the way. He was on a mission....to sing...songs by Rise Against. Greeeeaaaaatttt....After causing quite the debacle, he then took the next four minutes tuning his guitar. Probably should have thought of that before, buddy. Now there is some other dude preaching and giving you a run for your money. Kurt finally starts "rockin'" out. He's so terrible. And then starts yelling again. Someone gives him a Dr. Pepper and he promptly pounds it and then throws it on the train's ground. Littering? Really?! Not cool, man. He wanted to get the attention of some dude to move his foot and decided it would be a great idea to tap him on his knee three times. The guy didn't flinch. After around 30 seconds, he moved his foot ever so slightly to the left, while continuing to stare ahead.

Anyway.

Rat Pack!!! Our friend Cruz met us at B.B. King's. Funny enough, the only time we really ever see Cruz is at B. B. King's. I've been to this venue for the following shows: Rat Pack tribute (twice), Billy Joel tribute, KISS tribute, GNR tribute, and Bel Biv DeVoe (non tribute). As you can tell, I have awesome taste in music (yeah). If you can get to see the Rat Pack impersonators you simply must. They do not disappoint! DO NOT.

We even got the chance to meet and greet afterwards. Heaven, simply! The ladies are I were swooning, no doubt!

What a better way to end the night then by having another fun train ride. The picture should say it all.......









Ice cream and more Supernatural also happened.

This only covers up to Sunday and I left on Wednesday. There is still so much more to write of, but it is so last week....More parts to this saga to be determined...

Latest NY Experience! Part 1

So much to write that this doozy had to be broken up into parts. 


Packing:

Packing for NY was pretty easy because I'm a good packer and also because the weather forcasted awesomeness aka dresses and non-winter boots. The only two concerns I had: a. Black jeans or blue jeans. My mom advised me to rock the pair that has the least amount of holes. Black won this time. b. To bring the MTEL study book or not. I do have a three and a half hour train ride that has to happen twice. Plenty of time for studying while knocking down a drink. But, shit's heavy. I ended up taking it because I'm like, super responsible.

Train Ride There:

After making friends on the platform, it became obvious that bringing my study book was a really dumb idea. I sat across from my new friend, Wendy, a fifty-eight year-old woman who totally believes in all of my dreams. Our other new friend, Dominique, is my age and sat nearby. The woman behind me, 35 year-old Tara, got on just forty minutes before us and was already completely wasted. Tara kept referring to me as Christina Ricci and then Natalie Wood which of course caused us all to sing "I Feel Pretty". Everyone was buying me Heineken. I went to the bathroom at one point and someone walked in on me. I would have felt embarrassed, but I could care less. After talking it over, it seems that everyone else had gotten walked in on too. The girl who sat near the bathroom saw a lot of people peeing in those three hours. Tara, meanwhile, forgot where the bathroom is at least 4 times. That girl was a complete and total hot mess. I had made cookies and everyone in our car devoured them. Wendy shared her cheese and trail mix. Good times. The ride was very surreal, totally bizarre, and very typical of my life. We all exchanged contact info. Best friends for life! Ah?!

Penn Station:

Bird met me in Penn. My yellow sweater gave me away and she was able to find me quickly. Penn Station is always kind of nutter butters, but Friday night equals an intense increase in drunk/crazy people. Fantastic way to be welcomed back! Also, there was totally a FIRE in the station. Okay, so many times the train is delayed temporarily for dispatching or whatever, but despite the obvious smoke, firemen, and chaos, no evacuations or delays (to my knowledge) were going down. Okaaaaaay.

Lloyd/Bendy Straw Man/Dance Battles:

Bird and I feel the most comfortable in dive bars. Dark quarters, old men, jukeboxes. Yes, yes, yes. We researched bars that fit this criteria near Penn so we could immediately get to the fun. Example: "If you are out to find that special someone, you probably won't find him/her here. Unless you are into that methadone clinic reject old roadie menthol smoking lizard skinned mumbler type." Couldn't have put it better. We walked by one place that looked amazing but also extremely sketchy, so we decided to ease into the weekend at a less sketchy dive next door. Less sketchy dive proved to have terrible service and too many Where's Waldo-esque shirts for our liking. We headed back to the first place, which brought the women-men ration up  from 2-14 to 4-14.  The bartender looked Cassie over and asked her if we were old enough to drink. We assured her that we were. She went and got us frosty mugs (so good) and then asked "How old did you say you were again?" before serving us. The music was off the heezy. Hello middle school dance! So good. When the jams are pumpin', my body loses control. Lloyd took notice of my frantic hands. He stared. He was literally blown away by their  motion. He bought us a round, making sure to order me water as well. To him, my hands meant drunk. He had no idea that I'm exactly the same, drunk or sober. I managed to stay seated until "Only You" by 112 got played twice in a row. So much singing, so much getting low. One by one, the guys started dance battling me. One guy rocking a complete postal service outfit, was built like a bendy straw, sooo good. He melted into the floor. Everyone was blown away by the fact that I knew every word to every song and could drop down to bass voice for the parts of Biggie and back up again for a straight up sing. If you are having trouble picturing this, imagine "Saved the Last Dance" with 50 year-olds meets SNL meets nothing you've ever seen before. Actual pictures were taken, but it was too dark in there to truly capture the moment. We hugged everyone goodbye. An older gentleman dressed quite dapperly complete with a fedora on its side, definitely asked for my number. Bendy straw man was across the street smoking when we left. Thankfully, he caught sight of us, and ran across traffic to say proper farewells. Ah, yeah.


Train Ride to Cassie's Apartment:
Man is playing a melodica on the subway. So, so, so good. He started off with theme songs and then gradually progressed into everyday hits. He won me over from the start, but it was when he covered Pitbull's "Hotel Room" that I completely fell in love. He got two bucks from me. Also on the ride, a guy asked me if I was laughing at him as soon as he gets on the train. Laughing was happening, but he was not the cause. We did end up having a nice conversation which consisted of us repeating the word "whooo!" a lot. 

Country vs. City Round 1

I've been digging the country lifestyle lately; trees, chirping, ability to hermit crab up quite easily. And then today happened. I went to get in my car and realized I pulled an idiot and had left the keys in it, thus killing the battery. Nowhere could I go. In the city, I could easily walk or take the train. And though I've been really into the singing in the car thing, it doesn't really work when the car won't turn on.

Round 1
City 1, Country 0

Stay tuned.

Dreaming! Gfree! Easter! Indecisive Cat!

I'm prone to having weird dreams; making out with a guy on the floor and having my mom ask me if I'm waxing the floor/driving in Monopoly cars/letting convicts borrow my shoes. These are examples of a normal night of "sleep" for me. Over the last couple of months, the dreams had started to subside, but they're back again! They totally happen because I have to go to the bathroom and am too lazy to get up. The last three nights:

Dream 1:
I dreamed that I kept running into the singer Sara Bareilles. I like Sara's voice but am not a huge fan of hers or anything so your guess is as good as mine as to why I kept running into her. I ran into her and a group of her friends in NY and then while camping (or were we in Central Park?). She wasn't really snobby, but she didn't RECOGNIZE either which irked me. I finally confronted her. I was like. "Sara, I totally wrote a review of one of your shows and have seen The Sing-Off, don't act like you don't know." And then she looked embarrassed. "Oh, Kristen! My bad." WHAT?!


Dream 2:
In this dream sequence I am riding a scooter around a school and then up and down my street. This may seem like a fun time, but I didn't really have control of the scooter and there were cows involved.

Dream 3:
I am wearing a trashy dress to the mall and everyone is shunning me. I am trying to find last minute Christmas gifts for my family and feel terrible that 1. I have no idea what to get them. I'm usually so good at this! and 2. That I waited so long to look for their gifts.


The end.


Easter:
The cuzzo came over. I made food. I'm going (pretty much) gluten-free these days due to my stomach being on crack.

Not your typical Easter dinner:
Gfree pasta with spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, sauteed in red wine and olive oil, and some Gulf jumbo shrimp. Booh-yah! I enjoy the jumboness of the shrimp, but they do have some creepy legs and remind me of bugs. Very tasty though. And for dessert, I made the most delish gfree chocolate brownies. Recipe you ask? No prob!

Ingredients:
*6 oz dark chocolate
*1/2 stick butter
*3 eggs
*1/2 C spelt flour
*1/2 C gluten free flour
*1 1/2 C sugar
* 1 tsp vanilla extract
*1 C nuts! (optional)

*Please note: spelt flour is really good for bringing out the sweetness (in a not overly sweet way)

1.  Preheat oven to 325.
2. Butter baking pan and dust with cocoa powder.
3. Melt chocolate and butter together.
4. Mix sugar in.
5. In a separate bowl. beat eggs and vanilla together.   
6. Mix the eggs/vanilla in with the chocolate/butter/sugar concoction.
7. Add flour in.
8. Add walnuts!
9. Bake that shiz for 35 minutes, prepare for greatness!                                                                               

Anyhoo, post-eating, we watched "How High" because it was on and we have a soft spot for TERRIBLE movies, and had a major dance party. Dance parties are the best kind of party.

In other news:


Rags is even more indecisive than I am:

I Survived The Deli Counter.

The grocery store on a Sunday can be a huge madhouse. I'm talking, hello anxiety! I know I'm okay if I can make it through the deli counter. At times, I am anxious to even pick up the number, but I finally do it, thus marking the start of the waiting. The amount of inner dialogue that goes down in my brain waiting in line at the deli counter is insane. Will I hear my number? Oh shit. I picked up two numbers. Now I have to tell the person that no one actually has number 29. Ah. I hope I get the older lady. I definitely do not want to get the guy butcher. He's joking around with his co-workers but I just know he'll look down on me. What if they don't see me when I say "I'm 28" and then they move right on? Do I order the provolone, chicken, and Canadian bacon at once? Or do I pace them? Will they think I think they have bad memories if I don't tell them everything at once? Dead serious, that happens. I did end up getting that guy. He seemed appalled that I asked him how he was doing. I didn't ask for everything at once. It was rough, but I survived. Plus, dodging all of the other carts seemed relatively easy after that.

A sure sign that I'm no longer in the city: the crazy amount of animal sightings. There have been more than a few times where I've had to step on the brakes as a flock of wild turkeys casually walk across the street. This I am used to. But the other day, I had to stop for a fisher cat. Fisher cats are one of the largest animals in the weasel family and hold a rather Loch Ness monster type of vibe. You hear all of these tales of them coming out and killing the neighborhood cat, of their wickedly sharp teeth, and massive claws, but where the hell are they? Well, I finally saw one slink across the road the other day. Creepy as hell. Very glad Rags (dear cat) stays inside at night. That same week, I saw a dead baby pig in the middle of the road. No, I have no idea how this happens either. On a non dead, non creepy animal front, there is a new flock of little lambs on my street that are awfully cute. Their moms give me the stare down when I walk by. And the peepers (chirping frogs) are chirping like whoa. The baaaa-ing and chirping is mos def the soundtrack of spring. Delightful.

Oh this is what a fisher cat looks like: 

I did more research on them and it says they are "shy and elusive". I guess if most of the guys I have liked were animals, they would be fisher cats. I'm fine with shy, but elusive is getting me nowhere. Though, I would never date a guy that kills cats. ANYWAY.

So, here's one. During lunch, a teacher brought up how she bought coyote urine from Maine and spread it around her yard to ward off the deer. She said it cost a lot. Obviously, this sounds weird enough, but I can see how it would work. What gets me though, is how does she actually know it is coyote urine? I bet there is some dude pissing in a jar and making a fortune right now. So gross!

Signing off on this lovely spring evening. Roger that.

Kindergarten.

Today I subbed for a kindergarten class.

Here are some observations:

1. Kindergartners are cute and shorter than me.
2. The majority of the class cried for the first 45 minutes of the day because they missed their moms.
3. Crying kids forgot to tell me that they are buying lunch.
4. The one kid that didn't cry said he didn't like his mom because she yelled too much.
5. Be careful where you step during and after snack. I ended up with pink yogurt on my dress and chocolate pudding on my shoe.
6. Be sure to allot enough time to help zip zippers and tie shoes.
7. A kid may have an "accident".
8. 99% of the class likes talking at the exact same time
9. 1% of the class is too shy to even speak his name.
10. 25% of the class will want to go to the nurse 50% of the time.