Clean Sheets

I think I need a personal assistant. That, or I need to figure out how to get out of group texts on my phone. Or, no, basically I need a personal assistant. I cannot handle making plans with people.  I really never know what I am in the mood to do until the minute it is happening, for the most part. This has been a problem since I was old enough to make plans, throw group texts in the picture and I am like "how about I just stay in my pajamas and never leave my apartment instead?!" One of the group texts went on from 8:23 am to 11am just trying to figure out the day. I was beside myself.  There were so many group texts going on yesterday that yoga could not come fast enough.  The only thing I wanted was to do yoga and have clean sheets....

Okay, so sheets.

I like clean sheets. I change them once a week. I have laundry downstairs in my apartment but the other two tenants bought the machines and I am never exactly sure about using them so I usually do it at my parents' house when I visit.  Well, I was getting desperate on the sheet situation.  I love that freshly laundered scent! I really do! So, around mid-week I got out my lavender scented Lysol can and sprayed my sheets, figured it'd hold me over.  Despite the Lysol situation, I was still unsettled after another night.  So, I dropped them off at the laundromat to get cleaned as I went about my day.  The man asked how I was today. I mumbled, "Lysoled sheets, group texts, can't deal!" He told me he would try to help.

I left feeling better about life. I went to yoga.  My teacher asked how I was.  I naturally rambled more about sheets and group texts but talked about sheets being cleaned so maybe life is okay. Yoga helped.

I ate a lunch. I went for a walk. I did some work. I did some putzing.  I picked up my laundry. I did more putzing. I showered. I was all ready to make my bed with my clean sheets.  I went through my laundry bag. Where are my sheets?! WHERE ARE MY SHEETS?! Oh no! I looked on my messy bed....I never packed up my sheets to go to the laundromat.  I had taken them haphazardly off my bed and just left them in a crumpled pile.  I was not pleased.  I looked for more sheets. Yellow sheets, I have yellow sheets! Where are my yellow sheets? Oh, I can't find my yellow sheets! Okay, well flannel sheets. I have flannel sheets. This is not ideal for it was a 90 degree day and still rather steamy but hey when the going gets tough....I looked everywhere. I found my flannel pillowcases in a plastic bedding bag. Cheddar (cat) gets all up in the bag. Chaos ensues.  I have no sheets and my cat is suffocating himself in a plastic bag. I remove said cat. Thankfully, my cousin lives down the street and has an extra set I can borrow. I get to her house just as she's texting me:"Soooo the sheets have been in my closet....so they smell kind of funky." Of course they do. They did smell kind of funky but at it least it was a new funky.  Anyway, that guy at the laundromat really must have thought I had a few screws loose since I told him I needed my Lysoled sheets cleaned and I didn't actually include any sheets with my order.

In other news, Amazon Prime Deals Day was Wednesday.  I'm so excited that my toilet paper came in!!
 

Be One With the Water

I kid-sat my five-year old nice Amelia the other day. Miss A is basically the best, and I'm not just saying that because she is like a mini-me. There are many reasons why she's the bee's knees including: she takes break dancing lessons, can rap Biz Markie, loves cats, and wants to be a graffiti artist when she grows up. So, her and I were in my parents' hot tub chillen when she said she was going to try to dip her head under the water to conquer fear. Amelia said, and I quote, "I need to take a deep breath and become one with the water." She then proceeded to close her eyes and channel some chi. When she didn't make it quite under I asked her if she had been one with the water. Her response: "No, I was seaweed. I'm going to try to be one with the water again now." She also explained that Mylo angel (her recently deceased dog) was looking over her and wouldn't let her drown. Kids can be sweet.

Anyway.

I have pleasantly surprised myself by sleeping a couple of nights this week. There have also been some dreams involved.

Dream 1
I am running late to work and arrive during an armed intruder drill so everyone is outside, including David Spade. David Spade was in subbing for a teacher and I looked at him and was full of legit contempt. David Spade wore a purple velour tracksuit. Also, it was snowing outside and that made me really angry.

Dream 2
I decided I needed a new Celtics shirt and went to the Prudential Center in Boston. I kept being drawn to green velvet jackets. This was basically the entirety of my dream, me searching for, finding, and falling in love with a green velvet jacket.

Dream 3
I tell someone to "wipe that face off their head." That was literally the entire dream. I woke and looked in the mirror and there was a dent in my face from sleeping.

Well, that is it for now. I actually have quite a lot to blog about regarding visiting a retirement community in Florida aka living the dream. I'll need an entire afternoon for that one. God speed, people!

Well, it's Saturday!

I just found out that three of my co-workers are pregnant. My response: "Wow, congratulations! Jesus the biggest news I have is that my cat has his own instagram.  Yeah, I went to work the other day and came home and Cheddarcatrocks was all setup on insta." And...I'm serious. Follow the orange fuzzball!

Today I took my Gma shopping to her mecca, Macy's.  She made me go INTO the dressing room WITH HER. Sure, this is my spring break, but I didn't really want to see any topless ladies! During the excursion, This Is Tonight by Amber and a Mandy Moore song came on. Flashback much.

Anyway, speaking of vacation, Tuesday I'm off to the Villages, a retirement hotspot in Florida. I'm pretty stoked that I'll get to go out dancing and still be in bed at 10pm. I'm seriously looking into opening a club that runs business between 4pm and 10pm, because there are little options for those who enjoy getting low as much as they enjoy getting zzzs.

The other day a man wearing a huge Native American head dress biked by me.  It was a lovely piece, but it was so large I was legit worried he'd topple over. Sending positive vibes to that man.

The end.

Peaches and Cowflaps!

As I sit here, snow pounding outside, on ya know, April 4th, I think: life cannot be all peaches, but that doesn't mean we can't eat any peaches! I am going to continue to eat peaches, damn it! Peachy keen!

Any of you who have read my blog before or who know me personally, probably have inferred that my life can be pretty ridiculous.  I mean; accused of grand larceny, cab drivers playing the flute WHILE driving me, cats getting buried and then dug up--none of this is exactly normal. Yet, usually I am (appear anyway) happy.  I figure, it's just life.  Though, honestly, sometimes behind closed doors I would cry a lot and not want to leave my bed.  Hey, it happens.

My life started going semi-smooth this past fall.  I upped my yoga game,  I cut-down on the thinking, I read the super life-changing book "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero.  I made the best vision board featuring the dapper and handsome James Marsden.  I started going from semi-faking it to totally making it.  By January 2016 life was at an all time smooth, non-chunky PB style.  I was absolutely killing it! I did a 30 day yoga challenge at Providence Power Yoga which basically sealed the deal on my smooth criminal status.  I got good at putting myself first; saying no I couldn't possibly do this or that, I've got yoga, yo! I also felt super chill and emotionally non-hot-mess and ya know, pretty svelte too.  February rolled in and I was like WHAT WHAAAAAAT KILLING IT!

Then, March hit.  It has always been my least favorite month.  It makes me question why I live in New England (more than usual).  I always get sick in March.  Some kind of cowflap always hits the fan.  Every. Single. March.  This March at least started off pretty bearable; I secured a preschool teacher position for next year, the weather was not too icky, I was not sick, I was/am talking to a nice boy.  Then ya know, end of March comes.  The weather turns! I'm sick! I'm pounding an ungodly amount of chocolate every day! Cowflaps hitting fans!!!!! And now it is April and it is snowing.  Yet, somehow I am still feeling pretty fine.  In the past, the ick of it all; weather, cowflaps, sickness, od-ing on chocolate=aaah, life???? But now, I have finally come to the point where I have learned to dust that snow off my car, buy some yellow flowers to mask the rancid cowflaps, pop a lozenge, throw my hands up, and say, "the heck with it!" Life is too great to let some flaps of cows get in the way.  Even when it is less than peachy, I will still find me some peaches!

James Marsden Vision Board

A couple of weeks ago, cowflap really hit the fan with my guy "friend".  He called me lots of horrendous names and got in my face and such, definitely a no bueno.  I have since come to peace with the situation.  I am not mad at him or really mad/sad in general anymore.  What I am is empowered.  When cowflap REALLY hits the fan, it is a most excellent wake up call.  I realized that for some reason, I really do not value myself.  I have dated guy after guy who has been less than nice and gone through some SERIOUS wtf life situations in general (being threatened, accused of grand larceny, etc), and when it comes down to it, the reason any of this is happening is because I allow it to.  I see the good in everyone and want the best for everyone, which sounds lovely and wishy washy, and it would be, except that I devalue myself in the process.  I have come to realize that even if people have issues and I want to see the good in them, that does not mean that I have to help them to a point that I am hurt, or put up with certain situations, or think that I am not good enough because others put me down or whatever.  That is their issue, not mine.  So, now I am on this super awesome life kick where I truly value and take care of myself.  I feel like a million bucks! I have also made a vision board with positive quotes, the characteristics that I would like in a partner man, and life goals.  I decided that I would print out a picture of James Marsden too, because heck, if I attracted a super sweet, respectful, funny guy who resembles James Marsden, then that wouldn't be so bad.  Unfortunately, the black ink in my printer has run out, so it looks like for now, I will be attracting a white-haired ghost version of James.  Still, not bad! In other news, I have seen 3, count them THREE, attractive guys in my 'hood in the last 24 hours.  I am both shocked and pleased by this.  Yesterday I saw a guy walking in the park with two friends.  It was quite evident that he worked out, which I dig, especially because I like to take good care of myself.  Plus, he has at least two friends! My God, if he had a job too, holy cow...Today, I was looking out the window and saw an attractive guy run by so I put on my running clothes and tried to find him.  Unfortunately, I did not see him out there, but did run by another good looking dude who was also running.  This guy squinted at me.  I got a squint! Anyway, good people, take care of yourselves, let people treat you well, and go chasing after the people who seem chase worthy....well, only literal chasing,  I feel that there should not be too much chasing in the dating life.....

Badassery!

Hi folks!

I read this self-help (yeah, yeah) book this past week called "You are a Badass. How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life." and I gotta tell ya, it's totally working.  So, either you know me, or you don't, but chances are, I come across pretty positive-proton-awesome in my writing. That's because I like to spread cheer and whatnot! The problem is, often I spread a lot of positivity onto others and then go all Negative Nancy on myself. How does this make any sense?! Well, it doesn't.  And I have decided to stop, damn it! I am currently on this crazy train where I have stopped second guessing myself and have instead started to give myself some credit on how awesome I am.  It is a wonderful feeling.  If you are hard on yourself, I suggest you read this book, and well, just try and be kinder to yourself. You deserve it!

There is a lot of negativity in this world.  It is so easy to get sucked in! Tired! Broke! Hate job! Terrible love life! The list goes on! But, there is also so much to be thankful for! Fo sheezy.  I have started to watch the way I think because as the good ol' people say, your thoughts become your words which in turn, become your actions, and so on.  I have always been one to give stellar advice to others, but then to question every single thing I say and do.  It's preposterous! No more! Also, I am trying to steer clear of words like "I want," "I hope," and "I wish".  The reason being when you "wish" for something, for example, it adds a negative connotation, like what you want is something that needs to be wished for, not something that can happen in actuality.  I'm not wishing for anything anymore.  I am just certain shiz is good and will continue to get better.  Try it out, peeps!

As mentioned there is a lot of negativity out there and it is easy to get sucked in.  Sometimes you want to talk to a sir or madame who is nonjudgmental.  This is why I occasionally hit up a counselor and tell her of my life stories.  Yesterday, I was babbling away about my love life, and she stopped me in the middle to tell me that she felt that she was watching a stand-up monologue. Yes, people the "love" life is one of tragedy, but in it, also comedy, because you gotta find the humor in all of the muck! So much muck you'd think I was a pig rolling around in dirt, I tell ya!

So, I decided to cancel my National Credit Report account because I am trying to pay off my credit card, and a monthly $15 fee is not helping.  The lady on the phone was the best.  I want to be her friend.  She lives in Pittsburgh.  She loves snow because there are no bugs, and ya know, I am more of a summer gal, but I had to agree with her on this one.  She has a beta fish.  She does not like dogs, but she likes cats, and thinks my cat sounds really cute.  Her cousin lives in Massachusetts but she has never been, but she would like to visit.  Unfortunately, I was so into our conversation that I naturally pressed a button accidentally and hung up on her.  I did call back and connect with a Lisa.  I told Lisa that I have short term memory and already forgot the name of the lovely person I was chatting with but could she please tell her I said goodbye.  Oh, Lisa was very nice too. And I canceled that fee, holla! Moral of the story: talk to people! Except if they are negative.  Then punch them in the throat! Jokes....

Oh, so I am working with kids who speak no English.  I figured out that the key is to teach them the word "yes" because then I can say, "Do you think I am awesome?" and "Am I your favorite teacher?" and all that and they always say YES! Great feelings!

Okay, go out there and be the badasses I know you can be!!!

Chipotle and bad things happening in 3

I'm live blogging from Chipotle. I have a burrito bowl obsession. I used to go four days a week....right after yoga. I have since weaned my way down to once every other week. Still, I'm there now. And this is why. I have been feeling very content with life lately. I've had my share of ups and downs and I have been maintaining. Just a couple of years ago I was living at home, feeling like a failure, and crying on the regs. Since then, I got my masters, have been making strides at work, started eating Chipotle, and pet my cat in my sweet apartment.  I had even made a guy friend or whatever.  I say or whatever because that seems more accurate of a term. I came very close to securing a dream job last week. I was getting closer with "or whatever". I was feeling pretty swell. Then poof, unraveling left and right.  I decided to at least start being vocal about stuff instead of my usual people pleasing pushover self. So I am proud of this. Trying to get myself in the best possible place at work, expressing feelings to "or whatever," and making an appointment with a specialist because my Celiacs is acting a-fool. I even made an appointment with my counselor for a tune-up. During my counseling sesh, my counselor tells me that she read that all Chipotles are closing. I LOST MY SHIT.  I said, "It always happens in threes! Job, guy, Chipotle.  I cannot deal." I left the office and went straight to Chipotle where I proceeded to tell the worker how in counseling,  I heard that all Chipotles are closing and that I cannot deal with life. The worker assured me that this was in fact a hoax. And thank god cuz I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with my life without my burrito bowls.