New Years.

Well, it's happened as it does every once per year: it's New Year's Eve. NYE is without a doubt my least favorite holiday of the year.  It comes fast, just a week after my favorite holiday of the year.  I think I'd rather take ten more single years on Valentine's Day than do New Year's Eve.  Okay, I take that back. I don't totally want to curse myself.  Sure, there is a lot of pressure at Christmas to find the perfect gift, catch-up with relatives, all that, but on New Years you have to do a lot of scary things: 1. Reflect on 365 days. 2. Plan for the next 365 days. and 3. Have the BEST NIGHT EVER! I woke up this morning and seriously considered going back to bed until tomorrow. Reflecting in small doses I can totally handle, but an entire year is a lot of reflection. And BEST NIGHT EVER! I definitely cannot handle that pressure.  Maybe because my version of the BEST NIGHT EVER! would be going to bed at like 10pm after watching Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, and drinking a couple of mimosas but NOT having to pee afterwards. Can you imagine drinking legit anything and not having to pee afterwards?! That really WOULD be the best night ever.  Legit even a glass of milk past 7 can ruin a night for me.  I'm going to be terrible at being elderly.

Anyway, I guess I could do a mini-year-in-review type of thing. Here goes....

Accomplishments:
1. Graduated from masters program.
2. Sort of got life together.
3. Got an orange cat.
4. Moved into cute apartment.
5. Can make it through yoga without having a laughing fit/can sort of do the wheel.

Things I've learned:
1. 99% of men love whiskey and craft beer.

Yeah, that's pretty much it for what I've learned...Though to go further: I went on a lot of dates in the last year and looking back it has been a pretty ridiculous experience.  I would like to see a cartoon version of myself going on dates.  I would sit  home and watch that on TV.  I guess I say that because I felt like I was in a cartoon on most of these dates, like I was dating the exact same person in a slightly different cartoon body over and over again. This was a weird paragraph. Pretend it didn't happen.

So, what do I want to get out of 2015?!

Answer: adventure! Well, adventure that happens before 10pm of course.  I have done a lot of the "getting life together" and now I am ready for "adventure before 10pm".  It's gonna be great!! Or something. It'll be something.

Sunday Reflections.

Sunday is a good day for reflecting, so here it goes.

A year and a half ago, I said to myself: I will be happy if in a year I have a real job, a cute apartment, and an orange cat to match my lamps.  All of these things have in fact come true, so if you ever hear me complaining, you can punch me in the throat.

The Pats won a heck of a game today.  They're really killing it lately.  They showed pictures of Tom Brady over the years and heck, he was a bit dorky at times.  Made me think that I should slow down when swiping left on the fellas.  Then again, how long do I have to wait until they grow into their manhood? Tom is 37.  Should I be lenient on dudes who are 35 and under? Give them the benefit of the doubt, bank on them Bradying in the next two years???

Speaking of, I made myself go on a bowling date this weekend.  It went well in the sense that I have improved my best score from 27 to 48.  Granted, still pretty terrible, but I really have come along greatly since my last bowling date over the summer.  Like last time, there were no sparks.  But it's totally fine.  To celebrate my singlehood, I went to Whole Foods post-date and bought myself flowers, chocolate, and a frozen meal to eat in my pajamas.  Best idea ever.  Post every date from now on, I plan on getting myself a consolation prize. This time it was food and flowers, next time it could be a brand new car. Who knows.

That's all she wrote for today.

I Simply Cannot Hang Out With You.

To better my chances of getting on the nice list this year, I took my Gma out for a rendezvous today.  She is a nice lady, but calls for a decent amount of patience.  The first stop was CVS because the cashier neglected to take off the right amount the last time Gma was in and used a coupon.  Gma, still insanely undone from having been chipped $3.00, insisted on returning the cough drops and vitamins.  They were tainted now, afterall.  As we left the store, Gma commented that CVS has gone to hell and that she won't be shopping there anymore.  To keep up the fun, we hit up the local dollar store.  Grandma said that she needed to get Mary plastic wine cups.  Mary is her friend from the assisted living.  Together, Mary and Gma spend their time hitting the wine and gossiping about fellow residents. The dollar store was a success so next up: Macy's! Here, Gma told the workers all about me, bragging about accomplishments, and such.  "She is almost done with grad school, and she is such a good driver."  Grandma is probably the only person who thinks that I am a good driver.

Speaking of being almost done with school, Gma told me today that it is too bad that I have schoolwork today, or else she would keep me out even longer. And then it hit me: In less than a month, my go-to excuse will be gone.  Yes, I am beyond grateful that my schooling is coming to an end.  As aforementioned in previous posts, all of those reflections are really getting me down.  Not to mention, my brain is basically fried. But, when one's load gets a little lighter, it is harder to say, "Well, I really would love to hang out with you but I have so much work to do." or "Oh, I'm sorry I couldn't possibly come over and watch your children all afternoon on my day off." Actually, that sounds like a pretty damn valid thing to say.  Anyway, I've literally been banking on this excuse for a year and a half now.  On the bright side, maybe I will learn how to say no.  What I really want to say is just, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry but I simply cannot attend." I think I will start doing that.  Oh, I'm terribly sorry but I simply cannot come to work today.  Oh, I'm terribly sorry but I simply cannot go out with you." This is great, actually. Who needs excuses, real or not? A simply cannot should suffice.

Pole Dancing-Just Not Gonna Cut It.

I tried on Thursday, the pole dancing.  It wasn't my first time.  Back in 2007 I also had an experience with a pole.  It wasn't for me back then, and it still isn't for me today.  Granted, the swinging part is kind of fun, but it really is not much in terms of dancing.  So, if all else fails and I need a career change, I guess I am leaning more towards the chair dancing route. Two days later and my entire upper body is still killing me.  Remember that the next time you hit up the club: they work hard for the money.  Anyway, so I think I am going to try a new dance class a week, which will last me two more weeks since I live in Providence and nothing is here.  Nothing is here is great when it equates to there are no people here, but otherwise...eeeehhhh.  This week: ballet. Update to come.

It's officially sleeping bag weather again. Agh.  Circa 2010, a dude biked by me and yelled, "Nice sleeping bag," alluding to my crazy-ass coat.  The coat is back.  I look ridiculous but my giblets are in tact so that's a plus.

What else.

I had brunch with my friend today at a diner.  The food was pretty par, but the bathroom situation, let me tell you....  Points for privacy, points off for navigation to.  It was one of those go through the kitchen to get to the bathroom scenes.  A waitress took my as far as the kitchen and then proceeded to inform the staff that I was "coming through" except that I actually couldn't proceed to go through because as the waitress was informing the others of my need to pee, she abruptly stopped moving, thus blocking the entrance for me to walk through.  A minute or two passed, before I thankfully managed to make it past the kitchen, down the stairs, and proceeded to walk for another three minutes or so.  My bladder thanked me for my determination.  Also, it was sort of like an adventure.  Then again, if this is what qualifies as an adventure these days, what is that saying about me?! Ah.

Currently, I am trying to rally and complete one productive activity so I can get to the rest of my weekend aka watching holiday movies on the Hallmark Channel.

Channeling Bey, Day 1.

Today was the first full day of channeling Beyonce and I basically kicked ass.  I killed it at work, teaching like a champ, what what.  In fact, someone even commented in the teacher's room that I was extra peppy today.  I was like, "Yo, channeling Bey, holla."  They said, "What?!" I was like, "Yo, I had a few lackluster days and I was thinking this is lame sauce, so yesterday, I listened my girl Bey all day and reminded myself how great I am and bam, here I am holdin' it down, basically killing it."  The teachers were astounded.  One stated, "Can't you be here all day, every day?" I said, "No, I cannot. But Beyonce, all day every day, that can happen."

Anyhoo,

Post work, I called a number and inquired about some pole dancing classes.  I figure, once I'm done with grad school, I should probably start pole dancing.

I also ran 3.5 miles because I've got legs and stuff.

This is a vocab. quiz I am giving tomorrow. Turn on your side and give it a look.

Please notice that Seth Meyers is on this quiz. Also, teaching "abhor" was difficult for me because I kept stressing the "hor" (whore) by accident.

In other news, I am super loopy....in case you couldn't tell.

Beyonce, all day, every day.

It is no secret that I want to be Beyonce when I grow up.  She pretty much epitomizes all that is right in the world.  A few years ago, I took the step of at least taking some dance classes from her choreographer.  Get low, get low. Anyway, just as she once wondered what it would be like if she were a boy, I wonder what my life would be like if I were her.  For one, I would not have to do do any BS work.  In general, it would literally be cut out of my life.  That portfolio I need to do for work? I would hire someone to do that ish. Realistically, who knows if I'd even have a job.  Dating. I may hire someone to go on dates for me to screen the guys.  Or, I would hire someone to create a dashing mask to conceal all of my eye rolls.

Speaking of dating, let's take a minute to discuss what the scene is looking like out there. The online sites are rather hilarious, if not kind of depressing.  So many shirtless pics, fishing pics, rocker pics, cross fit pics. So much terrible. Basically, I am just going to listen to Beyonce on repeat.

Ugh, this just in though. I told my co-worker I wanted to be Beyonce when I grow up and he said, "Aren't you like thirty? You're already a grown-up." And then I was really sad. 

In good news, I am getting taller. Yoga is doing the trick. So much so that my leg lengthened to the point of crossing into someone else's yoga zone.  Yup, my foot hit that B in the head.  She fell over. I felt kind of bad, but mainly felt awesome.

Ummm....nothing else really exciting is going on.  Let's see.  Christmas decorations are going up.  Spread cheer, holla.  That's pretty much it.  I'm hoping for non-brain dead activity in December.  You know what happens in December? I'm done with grad school.  This is very exciting stuff.  The whole working full-time/schooling full-time is making me less fun I fear, and I'm basically done with it.  Plus, all that reflecting is driving me nuts.  Hey, let's write a 2 page reflection on blah blah blah.  Hey, let's talk about a dilemma and reflect on how we could make it better. Hey, let's not.  Reflecting is killing my soul. Let me just listen to Beyonce and dance around, for the love of Pete.

Oh and hey, I woke up like this, I woke up like this. God damn, God damn!

Is this the gynecologists?

I am pretty upbeat. I value life, all that jazz. But last Monday, I woke up wanting to punch throats, and for  no apparent reason. I've had the agh this sucks moments where a legit throat punch would make sense, but this sort of edge came from a place unknown.  As soon as I left my apartment on Monday, I knew, I'd need a miracle this week. Everyone was getting on my s list. Seriously, no one was safe. You could be my grandma or in kindergarten, didn't matter; chances are you were annoying the heck out of me.  I managed to squeak by until Thursday, the day I was going to a new gyno in Providence. Perhaps part of my foul mood was the anticipation. I really hate going to the doctors. I held my head high at the dentists last week and also through various work meetings and such, but my threshold for obligatory non-fun activities was at an all time low. To make matters worse, I naturally got lost, for an hour. My GPS kept telling me to go into the Marriott. I ignored the persistent voice but finally bit the bullet. I thought, maybe the doctor's office is in the hotel? That would be sweet! I started walking towards the hotel's entrance but didn't see any signs for a gynecologist's office.  I called the office.  They told me that they were located across the street from the Marriott.  I dodged multiple lanes of traffic, darting cars, and made it to a brown building.  Once inside, a made-up lady asked me if I was lost. "Ah, is this is the gynecologists?" She laughed and I looked at the sign: I was in the ABC 6 New Building. Of course I was.  I called the doc's again. They told me they were across the other street.  I darted back across the lanes, finally making it into my car.  I took a deep breath and started over.  And then I proceeded to turn onto a one way in the complete opposite direction of where I was supposed to be going. Oh look, I'm at the state offices, great.  Thirty minutes later, I made my way to the office, which was less than a mile from the Marriott. And of course, right across the street from a plaza that I have frequented many times before.  At this point, I'm beyond flustered. I send out a text to my friend: actually I can't hang out tonight.  I fill out paperwork and play the waiting game. Super anxious because I'm about to be invaded/if I have to get a blood test I may just lose my giblets.  Finally, I'm ushered into a tiny room, the walls adorned with large posters of lady parts.  I mean, why do I need to see this?! Okay, okay, a little poster, fine, but nothing that enlarged. Terrible town.  Anyway, I manage to survive the actual exam. It all looks good down there. And the blood test ladies were great because a. they found my veins just fine b. they told me I wasn't going to pass out and I actually did NOT pass out and c. they compared me to the chick on Bones which is funny because I often get compared to Zooey Deschanel and they're sisters, so maybe they could hire me to fill-in at family functions and stuff. Anyway, I was feeling super jazzy that I didn't pass out, I managed to make it to my apartment without getting lost, and then I had nice tea with my nice neighbors, so that was nice and stuff.

I was in a slightly better mood on Friday. But then it rained on Saturday and it went all downhill.  My dear mother tried to make me feel better by putting on three disco cds and making me dance for over an hour and a half.  There is a video.  I don't want to embarrass her, but really, I don't know if I could because damn, she's got some moves! I attempted to go out last night too, but that didn't really work out.  I waited over an hour and a half for meatless food and well, meatless food and waiting for food....neither sit well with me. After dinner, my friends and I attempted to go out to bars.  Of course, I forgot where I had parked for a good fifteen minutes so that delayed the evening of not finding anywhere good to go. I also remembered that I prefer not going out but rather wearing pajamas in the comfort of my own apartment.  This does not bode well for meeting fellows, but at this point, warm apartment wins out.

Anyway. This is Columbus Day Weekend. Big doings.